Big Time Rush
The Nickelodeon show Big Time Rush follows four Minnesota hockey players trying to make it as a boy band; incredibly, the show has led to a hit album—not to mention a public squabble with a rival group called, sadly, All Time Low. Dress code: Singer James Maslow’s blow-dried coif suggests a lesbian Chace Crawford. Dance party: The lack of precision in their choreography would’ve gotten them fired from 98°. Fan base: Nickelodeon viewers, nannies, and one young girl who jumped out of a plane with a btr-emblazoned parachute.