CORONAVIRUS

Distract Yourself With the Nordstrom Sale’s Finest Absurdities

Courtesy of Nordstrom

On Tuesday, Nordstrom joined the lengthy list of retailers announcing that it would be closing its store during the coronavirus outbreak. Unlike others, though, it soon made a surprise follow-up announcement: that a significant amount of their inventory would be 25 percent off throughout its two-week closure, complete with free shipping and curbside pickup. There are some real finds, like Alexander Wang’s diamanté mesh stilettos. There are some bleak items, too—like a whole new source of pantry goods as grocery stores struggle to stock their shelves. (At least, as long as you don’t mind subsisting on novelties like Sugarfina “green guice” gummy bears that contain 20 percent of your daily vitamins A and C.) But most importantly, there are items after items that are just plain weird—and enough of them to guarantee you a solid distraction period amid the unavoidable panic that comes with life in the middle of a pandemic. Dive in, here.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Brokenhearted over Judith Leiber’s $5,695 crystal-encrusted cheeseburger clutch, which has yet to go on sale? It’s time to let go and introduce yourself to Leiber’s pizza purse, which has a removable chain cross-body strap and only costs $4,556.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Lust after the days of when shelves were fully stocked with LaCroix by bestowing this $11.96 bottle of “Lick Croix Barkling Water” upon your beloved pet.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

At $200, this porcelain Versace piggy bank is worth the investment. Nordstrom promises that it will “protect your money with its serpentine hair.”

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Topshop’s hard times date back to well before the coronavirus. Show your support for the retailer by purchasing this $22.50 metallic bucket hat, which is all but sure to never fly off your head.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Look to the future and keep that hat safe on your next vacation with Toptote’s $36 leather hat clip.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

These Wall St. cuff links aren’t for everyone—especially people who actually work on Wall St. But they could be for you, if you can shelve your stock market anxieties and spare $41.25.

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If you’ve been feeling guilty about what you’re wearing to work from home, you could try dressing as if you’re going to the office. Or you could purchase this $796 Versace Baroque bath robe, and continue to lounge in style.

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With Apple Stores closed, cordless converts might be worrying about what will happen if they lose an AirPod. You’ll have a much harder time losing these $149.25 audio sunglasses from Bose, though it might be a while before you can use them in the sunlight.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

This $18 rope belt from Madewell is fancier than it looks. The leather-bound cotton fibers aren’t simply white, but a sophisticated color known as “vintage parchment.”

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Remember nature? Do your best by acquiring this $41.25 feather lapel pin, which is made of plum thicket thorns, burlap, and “sustainably sourced” feathers.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Now here’s something you don’t see every day—especially in the color of light grey, which is exclusive to Nordstrom. What might appear to be an ordinary box is actually a foldable baby bathtub. It costs $33.75, and is intriguingly only for “babies” aged three or older.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Nordstrom is home to a treasure trove of wares from Moschino. But for the time being, sale options are limited to this $948 lunchbox.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

Take it from Naomi Campbell: If you’re going to wear a face mask, you might as well pair it with safety goggles. Technically, this is a pair of $73.50 sports shield sunglasses, but they’ll still prevent you from touching your face.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

One last pair of novelty cufflinks, which are also $41.25. We’d forgive Bette Porter for adding them to her arsenal if it meant that she’d get back together with Tina.

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Courtesy of Nordstrom

At $1,515.98—reduced from $3,790—this 2-in-1 Burberry coat is something of a steal. Not only is it two items of Burberry outerwear for one, but its many uses just might keep you occupied for the rest of your self-quarantine.