Luca Guadagnino’s recent confirmation that both Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer will return for Call Me by Your Name’s sequel felt like a rare assurance that things will get back to normal (eventually). But on Wednesday, Hammer shattered the illusion of normalcy entirely. Three hours ago, he Instagrammed a mirror selfie so striking just one glance may make you rethink the actor entirely.
On Tuesday afternoon, Hammer posted what we can now recognize as a warning sign on his Instagram Stories: a photo of his feet surrounded by locks of hair. Sure, his toenails were painted pink. But otherwise, there was nothing remarkable about it; celebrities and plebeieans alike have been seizing the opportunity of quarantine to experiment with their hair. But in the three weeks since I gave myself a rattail and buzzcut, only one transformation has prompted me to question whether one can go too far. That would be Hammer, who now has a handlebar mustache—and a floppy mohawk.
It gets… well, not “worse.” Everyone handles these times differently. But it definitely gets more intense. Hammer, who has clearly moved on from his tracksuit phase, is wearing a DIY-style sleeveless, fringed crop top with a V neck. Perhaps it’s Hammer’s posture, but some of the fringe is long enough to grace the top of his printed swim trunks. They’re the same pair he wore in his Stories, but this time, we can see that the drawstrings are tied into a neat bow that’s perhaps accidentally tucked in. This seems like the type of look that would merit sunglasses, but Hammer opted for a different accessory: black rubber bracelets, which adorn both of his wrists. (At least one of them appears to feature a bit of Greek.)
Think you’ve finished taking it all in? Shift your eyes to the backdrop, where a whole new set of questions awaits. Who made those paintings? Are the walls slanted? Is that a tray of homemade biscuits on the counter? Is that a Mr. Potato on the counter? What is Hammer doing with such an antiquated landline phone? And whose elbow is peaking out in the bottom left?
If his celebrity followers have similar questions and concerns, they haven’t shown it just yet. “AMAZING 👏🏼,” Sam Taylor Johnson commented. Another director, Boots Riley, used a single word to express his approval: “Hired.” Bear Grylls and Kid Cudi reacted similarly, as did Hammer’s wife, Elizabeth Chambers. She was one of many to use the cry-laughing emoji, though seemingly the only one to call Hammer’s look “quarantine chic.”
Hammer has limited the post’s comments section, but in three hours, more than 6,300 have managed to worm their way in—and that’s not counting the replies. Naturally, Chalamet’s two-emoji response has the most, along with more than 12,000 likes.
Hopefully, that was only the public extent of Chalamet’s outreach. Presumably, his costar is safe and sound, but it sure seems like he could use some distraction.