Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W's resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, friendship or professional advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I'm a Taurus, and I think I’m in love with a strange but totally interesting Sagittarius. He’s in a band that I like a lot and somehow I ended up being a part of their music video, where I had to be bra-less and feed him bananas. We also fake-steered a ship together, and I felt so awkward that I started to wonder aloud how a ship works, which he explained to me—and since I was the only person he talked to during our scenes together, I totally got my hopes up. From then on, we've seen each other multiple times at their concerts and talked. He’s not a vocal person, but when we meet he always says something strange and confusing but appealing. Once I even contacted him and tried to play cool, as in "what’s up, buddy," but I still don’t know if he’s interested or not. What are our chances from an astrological perspective?
You always make me smile,
An Enamored Taurus
Dear Enamored Taurus,
A Sagittarius with strange, confusing, but somehow appealing and interesting things to say? Add him to the list of lovers driving someone crazy right this second—which will quite possibly include you next week. In the interest of transparency, as a Sagittarius and as a poet witch trying to help everyone reading this, I have to say this: People obsessed with us should really pay less attention to the crazy things we say! It's true at any time, and especially around matters of desire. A Sagittarius is an enormously frustrating sign to hit on. If they aren’t hitting on you loudly and directly—which they are known to do when they really want someone, or when they want to steal someone from someone else—they resort to a kind of coy game-playing where they’re mostly just showing off and aloof. Why? Because for them, the performance of flirting is often the most fun part of an initial romantic encounter. They’re entertaining themselves, and they think they’re entertaining you—though of course they’re building you a house of mystery and obsession and asking you to pay rent there—and they're assuming everyone watching is also intrigued.
The way to get a Sagittarius at this point in the game is to cut through all the smoke and mirrors and directly ask them out for a drink. Just be brief and matter-of-fact about it—that's the kind of text or, if you don't have his number, in-person ask that will get his attention. Don’t over-indulge in conversation or be self-deprecating or try to be funny—just shoot a real straight arrow. After your drink though, you’ll need—at least in the first few weeks—to resort to the opposite: giving him space and pretending you’re not thinking of texting him at all. Why? Well because every Sagittarius needs to believe in the illusion of freedom; that they can wake up in New York and end the evening in Paris without anyone getting in their way. Nine times out of 10 a Sagittarius will fall in love with someone because they presume they won’t get in their way. I know this is all frustrating, especially for a Taurus, a sign that likes to be commanding and lead. But if a Taurus and Sagittarius can get through these first, certainly not easy encounters, it’s actually a very dynamic partnership! A Sagattarius that's almost always trying to push buttons is a real challenge—but then again, of all the earth signs, a Taurus can both create and handle drama well, which will definitely come in handy with a mutable fire sign.
I won’t lie to you—both of these signs are stubborn and have tempers. I had a Taurus love affair once and it was truly unforgettable. As you know, when a Taurus zooms in on you, they really zoom in. I loved the attention, but it also really frightened my Sag autonomy. I remember after we'd been seeing each other for maybe two weeks, he wanted to miss his plane for me so he could see me for longer—a story that would make me say "Wow, truly romantic!" if I had no part in it. A Taurus has that wild romantic abandon in them, but experiencing it as a Sagittarius made me want to run for the hills. I actually wanted to make sure this Taurus was going to get on his plane an hour early and be the first one to fasten his seatbelt, which just shows you how this astrological pairing really tests fundamental parts of each sign’s identity: a Taurus’s need for devotion and a Sagittarius’s need for space.
Still, do text him and make the move. Because what I also remember from this love affair was how his Taurus boldness charmed me. Every Taurus knows how to fight for what they want, so if it's what you want, feed him bananas in your bed next time—or, better yet, make him feed you bananas if you’re more into that. Personally, I’ve always wanted to try that with one of those impossible fruits like pomegranate... but that’s because I’m a Sagittarius and I like making my lovers jump through hoops. It reveals who they are and fast. On that note, good luck! Take us with a grain of salt and lot of drinks.
A Sagittarius who’s on your side,
P.S.: One last secret. Sagittarius people can imagine how our own difficulty appears to others, and while we won’t ever be seen as the most loyal sign under any circumstances, we are the most loyal to the people who truly see us beneath all that difficulty and choose to stick around.
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Scorpio woman who’s been in a relationship with a hot Aries man since September. We spend a ton of time together, the sex is great—basically, he may be the best person I’ve ever dated. He’s hinted around about being in love but I haven’t brought it up yet, even though I do love him, no doubts there. Still, I’m reluctant to tell him even at my happiest heart-bursting moments. He was only a few months out of a relationship when we started seeing each other, which gave me pause, and I don't want to rock the boat. I’m starting to wonder, though, that if I don't show some vulnerability soon, he might feel that I’m not trying to be serious with him. Advice?
A Protective Scorpio
Dear Protective Scorpio,
As an Aries (Scorpio moon) hopelessly in love with all Scorpios, I'm very excited to answer your question, which I’ll just start off with the most impulsive Aries advice I can give you: Do it! Say you love him! Speaking for all Aries here—please! Text him this second!
Okay, now that I got that out of my system, I'll attempt to address your concerns in a more measured tone. The truth is, though, if you're even questioning whether or not to admit true love to an Aries, then you're wasting precious time—and this goes for all signs when it comes to Aries, so I hope everyone is listening. If an Aries is spending this much time with you and seriously dating you, and you’re a hot Scorpio, then you can bet six million dollars that he's trying very hard not to say "I love you." In fact, he’s practically an Aries hero right now in my book.
You're right to think that if you don’t show vulnerability immediately, an Aries will start to lose interest; again, Aries thrive on impulsive passion, acting now and thinking later (or never), most especially when it comes to matters of the heart. When another person doesn’t match their energy or enthusiasm—or even, dare I say, obsessiveness—it’s not that they think the other person isn't just not serious about them. They'll unfortunately begin to think rather quickly that the other person doesn’t like them at all, maybe even going so far as thinking the other person is about to break up with them, and/or has other people in the wings. (Aries are extremely jealous, but hey, you can relate right, Scorpio?) That's largely because Aries can be very insecure and need to know you are 1000 percent in for them to totally fall in love with you, which they're prepared to do at any moment, in one fiftieth of a nanosecond.
By the way, when he says "I love you" back, that's not say exactly that he'll mean it, especially in the way that you mean it. Like other fire signs, an Aries saying "I love you "is about the joy of the moment. It's the truth of their feelings in that instant, but it may not be about a lifelong commitment. For fire signs, the moment, especially in terms of love, is everything.
Still—Scorpio moon now talking—if you don’t feel you're ready to say "I love you," you shouldn’t have to. You’re right to protect yourself in any way you want to, because I know how much you want to avoid being hurt. And it’s very rational to think someone who is a few months out of a relationship might not be ready for another one. But then again, he’s an Aries—a few months might as well be 10 lifetimes ago. Whatever happens, he loves you, and I wish you so much luck!
Aries love forever,
Dear Astro Poets,
Very early in January, I turned 30, an occasion which I gladly welcomed. (Good riddance, twenties!) Normally, I don’t do much to celebrate my birthday: I have a fancy dinner with my long-term committed boyfriend, or I actually make the dinner I want to have for my family. When I have tried to make my birthday special, it’s often gone awry, but this year, I was excited enough to do something "daring": I invited a group of friends to celebrate at a bar. It turned out lovely, even though it was hellishly cold and half my friends couldn’t make it through the snow. And somehow, I now actually feel so hopeful this year and excited to challenge myself even more.
My twenties were grueling; the last four years actually felt like they were trying to break me. Each year I thought it had to get better, but it would get worse, with grad school breakdowns, infidelity, moving, and failed job and PhD applications all adding to the mix. Somehow, though, I think that I’ve turned that corner. It's not permanent, but I have a job in my field. I have a loving, stable, happy relationship, and good friends, even though many live far away. Am I wrong to think it might have something to do with my Saturn Return? How can I honor the newfound optimism I have? How do I make it my everyday reality? Basically, I want to know, will it really get and stay better?
A Buoyant Capricorn
Dear Buoyant Capricorn,
Yes, stay buoyant! Saturn Return, or the occurrence of Saturn finding itself in the same place in the sky as when you were born, is a huge event in someone’s life. It happens every 30 years or so, and it's different for each person—it could start as early as 27 and the last one could occur in your late eighties or even early nineties. If we’re lucky, we all get three. Each one tests us and asks us to leave behind something of our former self in order to move into new knowledge. The first Saturn Return is a big one: It’s basically crossing the threshold and becoming an adult (Whatever that is. As Charles Baudelaire once said—and I'm paraphrasing here—a poet is someone who can always recapture childhood at will.)
Now that you've passed your Saturn Return, you're wondering if this sudden gust of optimism and change will stay. Well, of course it won’t. But that's fine—surely it will need to be diverted in order to return and bring you more happiness next time. What I’m trying to say is that even though Saturn Returns alert us to a time in our lives, like our late twenties, when things will be moving and shifting and still somehow fall into place, that doesn’t guarantee peace for any amount of time. What it does offer you is a stronger version of yourself that's more able to handle difficulty.
The years right after my Saturn Return were hard in a different way. I could see what still had to change very clearly in relation to what already had, but I was second-guessing myself. For many people, Saturn’s shadow is real and they stay in it for a while even after their Saturn Return has passed. The opposite could also happen: a sudden transition into a new frame of mind right before Saturn Return hits, and then a true rough patch. Whatever the case, try to hold on to your buoyancy to keep your mind active and receptive, and be sure to welcome the inevitable shifts. They’re just as fleeting as the lightbulb Saturn Return moments when you suddenly realize, yes, you should move to New York or no, you shouldn’t apply for that job halfway across the country.
Every birthday is important. I’m glad you did something different in your own Capricorn way for your 30th, but the birthdays outside these big markers we’ve created—not to mention every single day—are also full of transformative potential, depending on how much transformation you want to commit to. Saturn Return is just one of various windows when that transformation is magnified and rewarded by the movement of the night sky. But you’re a Capricorn. You can change toward the direction of light even without it. You can practically outlast everyone.
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Sagittarius and I’m pregnant with my second baby. Baby no. 1, like my husband, most of my former lovers, and, actually, my cat, is an Aquarius. Baby no. 2 will be a Cancer. Going through the significant people in my life, I realized I don't know any Cancers. What should I expect?
Sagittarius Mother of a Future Cancer
Dear Sagittarius Mom,
I'm really happy to answer your question, since we don't often get asked about this important topic: family dynamics! I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about how important family dynamics are to a person’s astro-personality. The exact placement of your planets definitely matter when it comes to how you act and perform your sense of self, but these things don’t occur in a vacuum. A Taurus with air sign parents, for example, is going to probably behave at least a little differently than one raised by two Capricorns, and at the very least, the Taurus raised by air signs might be more sensitive to the way air signs are.... as well as, uh, the way they are—lord help us all! I don’t know for sure, as I don’t have any hard data on this, but I do have a hunch. (I’ll report back when I do more quantitative research.)
In any case, it's especially good for you to think of your family right now, because by late June/early July, a very family-oriented person is coming your way. You must feel a lot of harmony with your baby Aquarius, so when it's time to add a good dose of water to the mix, you might end up feeling pretty nervous. If you do, well, I'm here to tell you that being a mom to a Cancer is basically winning the jackpot of all jackpots, because if there is one thing Cancers are sure they love, it’s M-O-M.
Something to count on in all this newness, then, is that your baby is going to really love (read: downright worship) you. Practically speaking, this means that they're going to spend the rest of their lives observing you, emulating you, and overall having very deep feelings about you, which may not always be positive but are always intense. But let’s be honest for a moment: You’re a Sagittarius. So, while all of this adoration does seem nice in the abstract, it might make you feel a little weird, too. And there'll be other issues in your overall dynamic with the new baby, like your tendency to be—how do I put this nicely?—a little bit blunt, or, maybe at times—oh, I don’t know—insensitive. But your Aquarius child, husband, and cat aren’t really known to be all that sensitive either, when it comes right down to it. Especially to a Cancer.
Your babies will have a good relationship, with plenty of play and the Cancer (quite literally) cleaning up after their sibling. Once your sweet Cancer gets a little older, though, they may realize they have a lot of feelings, which at this point in their development they'll have the nuanced language to voice. Indeed, another thing to look out for is that as soon as, or even before, Cancers are old enough to walk, they're going to run your household. Yours might take over your household duties, tell you how to do them, or do some combination of both. Don’t get mad, Sag, they really can’t help it. The home is their domain. It’s also where their heart is. (And we promise you: their heart, with its overflowing love for their beautiful Sagittarius mom, is yours forever.)
Congratulations! We want to see pictures!