Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W's resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, friendship or professional advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I am a Gemini in their late 20s currently dealing with a crisis of meaning. As a child and as a teenager, I never had an answer to the dreaded question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” If I answered with one thing, I would almost instantly regret it and change my mind to something else. When I graduated high school I decided to complete a bachelor’s in philosophy, as it had more to do with what I was interested in learning, and less to do with what I wanted to work in. By the end of my bachelor’s, I decided to go to law school, only interested in immigration law and civil rights. Now, after graduating law school, I am almost afraid of admitting to myself that maybe it was not the right choice for me. I feel that I will eventually become bored and want to change career paths down the line. Part of me believes I’m just being fickle, and that I need to get over myself and start living my life after all the hard work of pushing myself through law school. But also: I have many interests, including possibly becoming a sign language interpreter, which is what I am leaning towards because I will learn new things every day and I'd also be helping the deaf community, where my law degree may be of use. But the thought of “starting over” is so incredibly overwhelming. And what if I regret it and change my mind yet again? What do you think, Astro Poets? Am I just being immature and capricious? How do I stick to one thing for good? Better yet, how do I learn to live with my indecisive nature?
A Fickle Gemini
Dear Fickle Gemini,
This is the first question we’re answering from a Gemini and it’s so fitting. While indecision is something we all obviously share, indecision for Geminis has to do with the fact that they want to do and be many things almost all the time. It’s part of their genius (I mean, look at Kanye). Let me say this right off the bat, though: you’ve already accomplished a lot and are positioning yourself to do good in the world—what could be more important? Give yourself that credit. All you have to do is keep following that impulse.
Instead of asking yourself if you should start over or what you want to be, ask yourself what the things—plural—you want to do are. Make a list of all you imagine for yourself: future jobs, where you may want to live, people you want around, things you want to engage with in your daily life (maybe you want to read Proust for an hour everyday, I don’t know). And don’t let all the differences in this list overwhelm you because even if you have one job your entire life (and who would want that?), you’re not going to be the same person with the same desires at that job every day, month, year. Doubt in our culture is stigmatized because it slows down capitalism. It sounds like you’re someone who wants live a varied life, and move through many interests and ways in which you’re needed (this is something you already know, but maybe aren’t allowing yourself to fully live out because it’s scary). Don’t think of this as a hindrance; think of it as something that will make life exciting and unusual. You might be writing to the wrong people if you want us to guide you toward a “normal” life (whatever that is).
I once dated a lawyer who was in a PhD program for philosophy, which he dropped out of to go to law school. Philosophy was definitely one of his passions, but perhaps, like poetry (maybe even more so), this world often makes you feel bad for that kind of passion because, “What can you actually do with it?” Every time he talked about dropping out and not pursuing an academic life, I could tell it saddened him. But he always rationalized it by saying he could never afford the kind of life he wanted to have in New York by being an academic as opposed to a lawyer. But do you know what else is important? Not sitting in a meeting, or in front of a desk, or across from someone you have no interest in talking to at drinks, and feeling like you’ve made all the “safe” choices but wish you could have allowed yourself to imagine another path. Or many paths. Look at how many times Prince (also a Gemini) changed in his career. Both sonically and visually. Geminis are shape shifters. It’s one of their great powers. They understand that life is about change. You’re going to do and be many things. And right now it may be a lawyer and a year from now it may be a sign language interpreter and then maybe the two will come together. Or maybe they won’t. And then you’ll really know. Keep going no matter what.
Your unusual Sagittarius,
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Cancer-Leo cusp who’s still reeling from a breakup with an Aquarius. After dating intensely for 8 months, he broke it off almost four months ago (right before my birthday, no less—cue the “weepy wine-drunk Cancer at their own party” move). It was one of the most devastating, emotional breakups I’ve ever experienced: He seemed just as upset, and we both agreed we still loved each other; he just “couldn’t be in a relationship right now and needed to focus on himself.” We stayed in contact after and talked/flirted every day for three months up until three weeks ago, after an ill-advised night of passion followed by a blowout the next day when he told me that, while he wasn’t over it, he no longer had serious feelings for me. Being a Cancer, I lost it. We met in person a week later and he said he didn’t realize he’d hurt me or that he’d been leading me on at all, and we agreed to cease contact on decent terms, leaving it on a note of, “This isn’t working and we’ll talk again one day, I just don’t know when.” He also stopped following me on all social media. He described it as a “happy ending,” but I’m still very upset and confused about all of it. I see him on dating apps and it kills me, but I’m more upset that we’re not talking at all. I want to make things better and possibly leave the door open for a new incarnation of the relationship one day, whether friendly or romantic, but it feels like I have no way of doing that since he’s effectively cut me out of his life. I want to remind him of how much we meant to one another, but it feels like it’s damaged beyond repair. Should I just disappear and “let him come to me” (if he ever actually does, since he’s an Aquarius) in the spirit of “time heals all wounds” or should I contact him sooner rather than later. Or never? How am I supposed to move on from this? Yours,
A Cancer Trying to Write a Concise Email in Scorpio Season
Dear Sweet and Concise Cancer,
I’m so sorry that you have gone and are still very much going through this heartbreak. I hope you have a supportive group of friends and family around you and are doing things that you love to do all the time. Cancer and Aquarius, although seemingly incredibly different, do have a lot in common, especially when it comes to falling in love. Both signs, when they decide to, will paint a vision of falling in love just like the storybooks. It will be quick, heated, and full of never-ending intensity. Both also have stubborn streaks and are not easily coerced into feeling things. So, when they find each other, and feel feelings on their own accord, it really is fireworks splashing their lights all over the sky. Ah, feelings. You knew I was going to get there quickly with this, right?
In terms of the outward appearance of love, Cancer and Aquarius might look in some ways the same. They can both be possessive and jealous. But when it actually comes to what’s driving their cars, it couldn’t come from two more different places. Cancer is a cardinal water sign, which means that you like to lead people and yourself with your gut instincts. It’s a good thing, because a Cancer’s gut is almost always right—on some level. However, these notions can sometimes be magnified by an immense ability to want to make the earth shatter with every kiss from a lover, to be kind, to hold and cherish what you love forever (like, until the end of all existence). Or this is to say, there’s a lot going on with you. You are one of the greatest gifts to us from the universe. This is also why it’s so awesome to fall in love with you. Because when you’ve decided to give it your all, and the person is down for it, it’s pretty much driven with the emotional rhythms that keep the sun rising and setting each day. (Hey all you Cancers out there, call me?)
Aquarius is a fixed air sign. I know I’ll get in trouble with this from the millions of air signs in my life, but I must say, air signs are more (ahem) mental than emotional. For an Aquarius to fall in love, their mind must do so first. They can get themselves into romantic encounters where they seem crazed with passion, only to find out the next day that they themselves don’t exactly feel anything, because their mind hasn’t given in yet. It’s sad, and I hate to say this, but this Aquarius is telling you the truth. I’ll end with this: Fate brought the two of you together and it was awesome. As much as it hurts, I’d leave it at that for now. Trying to make contact with him when he doesn’t want it just isn’t going to end well. It’s also not worth your precious energy. Aquarius is a lot like Cancer, in that if they don’t want to be bothered. Also, as a Cancer, try to stay away from air signs, if you can possibly help it. Find a hot Scorpio or Pisces, or a sexy Taurus. Find ways to pass the days right now so you don’t contact him. Write him love poems that span through space and time. Love poems are the best home for most feelings anyway.
You are a moon spirit who brings all landscapes their life! I worship you.
Love, Dorothea (A Long-Winded Aries in Almost Sagittarius Season)
Dear Astro Poets,
I am a neurotic Virgo dating an off-the-walls Scorpio (for over two years, somehow). I keep trying to get him to agree to my 35-year plan where we both have solid, well-paying jobs in corporate America and contribute equal amounts to our retirement funds, have an understated but elegant two-story colonial home that we keep immaculately clean, and several dogs that we pretend are our children. But he has no interest. He recently bought a Chevy Astro and plans to drive it cross country after renovating it to have a bed in the back. I have told him that the only way I travel is with an extensive itinerary I’ve created, on a plane, as efficiently and cost effectively as possible. But he thinks somehow we’ll compromise and live well together. Despite his wild aspirations, he loves me more than anything, and is willing to give it all up for me, but I do worry he will get up in the middle of the night one day when we’re 40 and leave for South America. Can this work? Am I a fool for staying in this for so long? He is so good at heart. He just wants to live a life worth living.
A Hopeless Virgo
Dear Hopeless Virgo,
Three words: keep this man. Your Scorpio is teaching you that life can be lived without the Virgo blueprint you’ve always had in your back pocket. This is already a win. He’s changed something about you already—note your saying “he just wants to live a life worth living,” because I know how important plans and systems are to Virgos. I know you’re rarely going to let yourself do anything that jeopardizes how your life will work out on paper. There’s plan A and B and C and a catastrophic scenario D and E and F (where your relationship with him doesn’t work out maybe but you end up being okay). Even if one of those plans is less desirable, you’re still prepared for it, should life take you there. So absolutely lean in and go with this Scorpio cross country, and really all the way. You’re going to be the compass that steers things toward the reliable road anyway, should anything go astray. It’s exciting that two people who approach life so differently are making it work.
A Scorpio is going to value adventure for adventure’s sake almost always. This is going to continue being strange (and alluring) to you. The more you allow your Scorpio man to be himself, the more he will value you and your more practical approach. He may not understand it, but let me tell you something, a Scorpio isn’t going to stay in anything if they aren’t wildly passionate about it. So he’s crazy about you. And despite all the talk about Scorpios being dangerously flirtatious and at times promiscuous, they are a loyal sign when they feel like they’ve found someone who accepts them on their terms. It’s actually a deep loyalty, but it stems out of being seen and understood. Unlike, say, Leo loyalty, which is more action based. Scorpios like being left alone a lot of the time and are deeply discerning and distrustful too. They want to feel like everything in their life is in line with their true spirit. I know it may not feel like the ball is in your court, so to speak, but it actually is. You’re always going to be the person in the relationship that sets parameters and moves things along. Just make sure that you’re doing so mindfully. Virgos are stubborn to a fault. Not as bad as a Taurus, but they have a way of deciding if something “works” or “does not work” on their own, without much feedback. Scorpios are not this way. They are more comfortable being in that elusive, uncertain space that life takes us to sometimes, and they benefit from being risk takers and from their obsessive personalities. Combine your powers, which are at total opposite ends of the spectrum, and you really will have the best of both worlds.
A Sagittarius Who Gets Scorpios,
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a very conflicted Capricorn. I was supposed to be born an Aquarius, but it’s like I decided to foresee my own somewhat successful future and was born 10 days before Capricorn season ended. I’ve always considered myself hardworking and determined. I also have lots of pride in the idea that people know that I’m hardworking, successful and someone they can rely on. But that’s only the outer appearance. I’m in my 20s and feel like I should already have my life together, but it’s not going the way I envisioned. I’m still lingering out of school without much of a career path. I feel so much inner despair that I can’t really explain to anyone in fear of disappointing them that I’m not as successful as I want to project myself out to be. Time seems to be so essential to me even if it’s socially constructed. Is it a factor that Capricorn success comes much later on in life? Also, I don’t know how to relax. I literally cannot relax. Even if I relax, I’m still thinking about everything and anything towards success. What do you think?
A No-Chill Capricorn
Dear No-Chill Capricorn,
First of all, I just want to start off by saying that you are doing great! Capricorn or non-Capricorn-ness aside, a true life path is never an obvious one. You are figuring things out and knowing that you want something more means that you are going to get it—whatever “it” is. If I know Capricorns, it means you are going to get it sooner rather than later. It makes sense though that you are having this internal struggle. I’ve had some really close Capricorn friends in my time and this is a common feeling among them. It’s because no matter what they do, Capricorns need to dominate. However, they are savvy enough to realize that, no matter what the field, dominating is a shifting endeavor because trends come and go. So sadly many Capricorns feel this constant state of anxiety because they are trying so hard to make the most out of every second (read: rule every second).
The hard part about being a Capricorn is not your ambition or need to dominate, it’s this uncanny ability to intuit and understand the changing tides of public opinion. This is why Capricorns can be known for their acumen in business or sales—it’s because they can anticipate what a group of people will think by noticing all of the social cues most of us can’t. It’s a gift, but it also makes you anxious, as you say. I love the way you describe how you feel like you are fighting time. As a Capricorn, you do understand that things can change in literally a split second, for better or for worse.
The happiest Capricorns I know take these skills and try their best to devote their lives to things that make them happy. This seems like a simple idea, I know, and like it could be applied to any sign. Of course it could, but some signs are able to do tasks just for the sake of them—happy or not—better than others (hello beautiful Virgos). So, really, think of what holds a spark for you, what makes you feel like you want to know everything about it, and start framing your life around this thing. The right school setting will come from this drive. Try as much as you can to pick something you can imagine loving to do years from now.
Also, something else to mention: Capricorns thrive with strong friend groups and close knit families. Whereas some signs see family life as obligation, Capricorns really get into having people around to love and care for. And especially to feed. When they don’t have this immediately in the family life they’re born into, they do their best to make a family around them in whatever situations they are in. So, if you’re feeling anxious again in the near future, go to your chosen family and get some energy from them. You are right to think that Capricorns get more and more successful as the years go on. It’s because they are great at building from the ground up. So, pick a solid foundation that excites you, and in 50 years, that building of yours is going to be a sparking, velvet-lined, big and beautiful monument.
You’ve got this, Magical Sea-Goat.
Love, Dorothea (A No-Chill Aries)
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