Bella Hadid Admits Her Depression Used to Make Her Feel Guilty

"It doesn't make sense."

Savage X Fenty Show Presented By Amazon Prime Video - Inside
Craig Barritt

Bella Hadid knows that to outsiders her life seems charmed, but on stage at the Vogue Fashion Festival in Paris, the model admitted that she struggled to deal with her own mental health in light of her professional success.

“For a while I just didn’t want to talk about it, and I’ve gone through a lot in the past few years with my health,” she said according to WWD.

“I feel guilty for being able to live this incredible life, have the opportunities that I do, but somehow still be depressed. It doesn’t make sense.”

“I would cry every single morning, I would cry during my lunch breaks, I would cry before I slept. I was very emotionally unstable for a while when I was working 14-hour days for four months straight as an 18-year-old. I think I just wanted to breathe a little bit. And so it kind of put me in a spiral.”

Last month, Hadid also opened up about how she handles mental health care in an Instagram post, thanking fans for their birthday wishes.

“I would like to add that everything you see online or through social media is not always what it seems,” she wrote. “The happiness we create online while being sad in real life makes no sense, but sometimes it just seems easier to live within your sadness rather than talk about it.”

She urged fans to take care of themselves, but also to not be afraid about reaching out for help if they need it.

Hadid’s comfort with her own mental health appears to be growing both with her confidence as a model and the evolution of the industry.

While not mentioning Victoria’s Secret by name, Hadid mentioned that it wasn’t until recently that she felt comfortable walking on the runway in lingerie. She credits Rihanna’s Fenty x Savage shows as a the first time she truly felt confident modeling underwear.

Hadid added that the Fenty show gave her a chance to play up a character on the runway rather than some perfected version of herself. “I like being another character. I think at this point I don’t necessarily love being myself sometimes.”