The Best, Most Brutal Lines From Succession Season Four
Succession may be officially over, but the quotes, screen grabs, and memes will live on forever. This season, just like the three before it, delivered a buffet of one-liners, and every Sunday evening they took over Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok as fans headed to social media to relive the quips they couldn’t get out of their head. From “ludicrously capacious” bags to eldest boys, pretty much every character got their time in the quotable sun this season. So, in honor of Jesse Armstrong’s writing, and the cast’s impeccable delivery, we’re looking back at the best lines from each episode, because there are many things we will remember this show by, but it seems likely that it’s these biting quips that will last the longest.
“Rome might not even show up from whatever jerk dungeon he’s being pity-spanked in.” —Shiv
Caroline’s beautiful, Caribbean vacation home, also known as the Jerk Dungeon.
“You’ve fallen in love with our scheduling opportunities.” —Tom
Preceded by the also great, equally romantic, “It would be incredibly convenient because you would be married to your husband.”
“I don’t like to think of all these blobs of jelly rolling around in your head. Face eggs [shudders].” —Caroline
Honestly, when you put it like that...
“What do I think? Uh, the colors go well.” —Tom
I think it was at that moment that Matsson decided to make Tom the CEO.
“Cunt is as cunt does.” —Kendall
I think that might be Shakespeare.
“My, what a lovely evening on the terrace.” —Roman
The Roys have the incredible ability to fight in the most gorgeous of settings.
“Who the hell calls us The Incredible Fuck Brother Bandwagon?” “Everyone.” —Roman and Shiv
Personally, I would take that over CE-Bros.
“So, we were thinking of murdering you. But, uh, you know, it’s too much prep. Too much murder admin.” —Shiv
I wonder how many would-be-murderers stopped short out of dislike for “murder admin.”
“I’m the eldest boy!” —Kendall
Hands down, the best line of the episode.
“Is it mine?” —Roman
While we can’t speak for another very popular HBO show, Succession is actually void of incest, Roman.
“You're having a Wambs-gland? I thought you'd just been eating your feelings.” —Roman
There’s really nothing like sharing your exciting pregnancy news with family, right?
“This is long and it’s hard to follow.” “Right, well it’s formally inventive. That’s one of the things we like most about it.” —Shiv and Willa
Honestly, I would really like to hear Connor’s euology, especially after Shiv’s concern that it’s “gonna leave us open to legal action.”
“Well, here she comes. I thought I could hear the sound of Dalmatians howling.” —Shiv
Can someone get Emma Stone on the line. She might need to play Caroline in the prequel series.
“Daddy’s here.” —Peter
What an incredibly inappropriate thing to say at the funeral of your stepchildren’s father.
“What are you thinking about the handsome Nazi over there? Is he going to win? And, if he does, like, ironically, would that be bad for a tall blonde white guy?” —Matsson
Matsson has proven he loves a good Nazi joke.
“Are you serious? Was he in a bidding war with Stalin and Liberace?” —Shiv
Nah, just a a dotcom Pet Supply guy.
“Hey hey hey, it’s the Grim Weeper. Tiny tears.” —Mencken
That’s Mencken for you, always acting with that presidential honor.
“You would never have dared not to come to his funeral when he was alive.” —Shiv
Not super relevant, but also not wrong.
“Privacy, pussy, pasta.” —Matsson
If Lukas had said this to any other president-elect, there may have been a problem, but I have to believe Mencken probably appreciates the Swede’s philosophy.
“Bodega sushi? Are you insane?” —Tom
The sushi would go on to get its revenge for such slander.
“Schrödinger's cat, Tom. Until we open the boxes, I’m just as much President as the other two.” —Connor
I mean...he’s not wrong.
“Organize a little coup down in old Peru? Put me in a van to Tajikistan? Couldn’t I just be our fun guy in Uruguay?” —Connor
Connor’s quips throughout this episode are the only thing that kept us from having a full-blown, election-induced panic attack.
“Fire favors GOP claims mad witch.” —Roman
Forget CEO, Roman needs a job writing ticker copy for ATN.
“It’s not that lemony! It’s just a hint of lemon.” —Greg
Greg, meanwhile, should be the newest spokesperson for La Croix.
“Vienna for lunch, Venice for dinner.” “And Dubrovnik for breakfast.” —Willa and Connor
We need a spin-off following Willa and Connor on their ambassadorial adventures.
“America be afraid. Be warned. For the Conheads are coming.” —Connor
As if Americans haven’t already been through enough, Con?
“So because we had so much fucking chicken when we were kids I have to like the fascist?” —Kendall
Siblings take note—failing to compromise in childhood could come back to bite you.
“He doesn’t want to swim around my dad’s ‘bullshit pre-election braindead AOL-era legacy media putrid-stuffed mushroom fuck fest.’” —Shiv quoting Matsson
A simple, “I can’t make it” would have sufficed.
“They’re not all crypto-facists and right wing nut jobs. We also have some venture capital dems and centrist ghouls. Dad’s ideological range was wide.” — Kendall
This party might be the most politically diverse gathering since 2016.
“I’m about to take a shit in your husband’s mouth and I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me it tastes like coq au vin .” —Matsson
Oh Lukas, always the charmer.
“Con, they’re not going to put you anywhere with nukes.” “Well that’s insulting. I don’t think I want to go anywhere that doesn’t have nukes.” —Roman and Connor
That’s it, Con. Keep your standards high.
“He occasionally has expressed a distaste in the past for my particular favor of me.” —Greg
Just spit it out for once, Greg. Matsson called you a Hapsburg giant. The guy hates your guts.
“Running people over is not a selling point.” —Willa
At least one person in this family (kind of) has morals.
“I’m telling you, new money. You gotta hold those fresh bills to the light.” —Kendall
Matsson’s velour bomber jacket should have told you everything you needed to know.
“Hey Dad, Shiv spilled chocolate milk in the Range Rover.” —Shiv
You know, just your normal childhood memory...but with nicer cars.
“Can we do the huggy thing? —Roman
The request of a clearly emotionally-adjusted person.
“It’s an incredibly evolved, ruthlessly segregated city you’ve built on this geological fault here.” —Roman
A harsh, but not inaccurate picture of Los Angeles.
“I’m sure you are where you are for a very good reason.” —Joy
The words no nepo baby ever wants to hear.
“Tom Wambsgans finally made me feel something.” —Shiv
Tom’s brief victory quickly dissipated in that moment.
“It’s very un-Dad.” —Kendall
You know you viewed your father as a demi-God when you describe his death as “un-Dad.”
“Death just feels very, one size fits all.” —Roman
Well, he’s not wrong.
“Ken and Rome: Unplugged.” —Kendall
Personally, I would prefer a Tiny Desk Concert.
“It’s enough to make you lose your faith in capitalism. You can say anything.” —Kendall
I’m finding it hard to laugh at this one.
“Fun is what we’re all about at Waystar.” —Kendall
That’s what I’m always saying.
“How am I supposed to follow this? He’s just promised them eternal life.” —Tom
Just come up with another slogan, Tom, you’ll be fine.
“Sure, they're young, and they're fit, but they're European. They're soft, hammocked in their Social Security safety net, sick on vacation mania, and free health care.” —Gerri
More proof that J. Smith Cameron has been severely underutilized this season.
“Let’s just keep one of his old sweaters, less racist.” —Shiv
The CE-Bros may have wanted to keep Logan’s pride and joy, ATN, but Shiv does have a point here...
“Oh yeah Tom. Tom of Siobhan.” —Oskar
I wonder if Oskar knows how much that likely killed Tom.
“I don’t care what you think. You’re a tribute band.” —Matsson
It’s hard for an insult to stand out in Succession, considering how much they’re thrown around, but this one might just be the most cutting of the season thus far.
“Deniability is difficult, given she has so much of your blood.” —Shiv
Sorry Matsson, it doesn’t look like you’re getting out of this mess that easily.
“Your earlobes are think and chewy...like barnacle meat.” —Tom
You really showed her, Tom.
“Where’s Kerry?” “Inside Marcia’s trunk, inside an anaconda, inside a sarcophagus.” —Roman
Roman, ever the colorful of the Roys, joked that Marcia had offed Logan Roy’s lover, but she didn’t actually have to take any physical action against Kerry. Later, she tore her down with one simple quip (which we will get to).
“For some of us it’s a sad day, but for others it’s coronation demolition derby.” —Shiv
Seems like a fairly normal wake in the Roy world.
“You might want to put down that fish taco. You’re getting your melancholy everywhere.”—Gerri
A brilliant quip by Gerri followed by...
“You’re a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you. The only guy pulling for you is dead, and now, you’re just married to the ex-boss’ daughter, and she doesn’t even like you. And you are fair and squarely fucked.”—Karl
Logan may be the one who died, but Tom is really getting butchered at this wake.
“Look how far you’ve come.” “Well look at us both, right?” —Marcia & Willa
I have no evidence of this, but I’m pretty convinced that Marcia added $10 million to her asking price for the apartment after Willa took her down like this.
“Mmm, the honeymoon states.” —Willa
Forget flyover, purple, swing—in the 2024 election, we’re calling them honeymoon states.
“Dad sounds amazing. I would have liked to have met Dad.” —Shiv
There’s really nothing like reading complete lies about your verbally abusive father as he is propped up in the press while struggling to reconcile with his death.
“Why not just burn them for the insurance, no?” “Yeah, that would be the dream, financially speaking.” —Shiv & Karl
A relatively ignored moment regarding Logan’s Gaugains hidden away in a Genevian vault, but one that deserves a lot more attention.
“We’re calling her a taxi to the subway so that she can go home to her little apartment.” —Marcia
See what we mean about Marcia not needing to resort to violence?
“Lip balm Tom Wamb, lubing up his lips to kiss my butt.” —Roman
Wow, everyone really has Tom’s number in this episode, don’t they?
“Gotta love her, her plate is groaning.” —Connor
Someone get Willa and her mom a spin-off.
“I have a little list of nice things to say to Kerry.” —Greg
Honestly, Greg, we would like to hear these.
“He’s flying the plane, son.” — Frank
An honestly heartbreaking line. Did Frank have to call him Kendall son in this moment?
“Judging by her grin, it looks like she caught a foul ball at Yankee Stadium.” —Tom
It’s OK, Chuckles, we all mourn differently.
“We’ll get a funeral off the rack. We can do Reagan’s with tweaks.” —Kendall
I would say Logan wouldn’t like anything off the rack, but he was wearing a lot of Ralph Lauren prior to his passing.
“It’s like Jaws. If everyone in Jaws worked for Jaws.” —Greg
Let’s also not forget, “He looks like if Santa Claus was a hitman.”
“Hey, Buddha, nice Tom Fords.” —Roman
The only thing better than Kendall’s newfound religion is Roman’s reaction to Kendall’s newfound religion.
“[I want to go] somewhere fun and real. Away from the fancy Dans. A real bar, with chicks, and guys who work with their hands and grease, and sweat from their hands, and have blood in their hair.”—Connor
Poor Connor isn’t asking for a lot, just a bride who doesn’t run away, a normal night at a bar, and some old-fashioned karaoke like he has seen in the movies.
“He’s still Connor, but he won drinks with us at an auction.” —Roman
Despite there being four Beatles, Roman couldn’t even let Connor be George.
“Just be water, my friend.” —Kendall
We did not think we would get to the point of Kendall quoting Bruce Lee, yet here we are.
“I love you, but you are not serious people.” —Logan
A pretty useful phrase for anyone who often finds themselves around Roy-like goofballs.
“We’re not a fucking Shake Shack, Greg. This isn't a pre-fuck party. It's a birthday party.”—Kerry
Despite the warning from Kerry, Greg still managed to turn Logan’s birthday party into a pre-fuck party.
“That’s greedy. When they have all the other percents?”—Willa
Willa can’t believe the other presidential hopefuls would try to squeeze Connor’s 1 percent. Because when have politicians ever been greedy?
“She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail?” —Tom
Of course, we couldn’t have a list of the best quotes without what is arguably the most quoted line this season.
“Congratulations on saying the biggest number, you fucking morons.” —Logan
Nothing like getting some support from Dad, right?
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