Episode six of The White Lotus was a masterclass in how to make the penultimate chapter of a television show. Fans have been waiting weeks to find out whose bodies will wash up to shore before the Sicilian vacation comes to an end, but Mike White proved last season that nothing will be revealed until the final episode. So, “Abductions” was all about building the suspense, and teasing the audience just enough so that everything can come crashing down next week in an episode as beautifully orchestrated as that drop in the show’s theme song. This latest episode was well-paced, filled with meme fodder, and didn’t just feel like a filler episode ordered up by HBO. We got a much-needed discussion between the world’s worst couple, Harper and Ethan; a Di Grasso family reunion; and a wake up call for Portia. Per usual, many characters came out on top when the credits rolled, but just as many ended another day in Sicily looking like complete fools. Let’s check in on where The White Lotus’s guests stand ahead of next week’s finale—before we say goodbye to the vacationers for good.
Because this episode opened with another brief, yet fulfilling sex scene with Adam Di Marco.
Welcome to Sicily, Harper, we’ve been waiting for you. It only took a week, but Harper is finally enjoying herself. She’s drinking; playing into Cam’s flirtation as opposed to just starring him down with those large, judgmental eyes; and she’s not letting dud-Ethan ruin her vibe. Yes, maybe she had a little too much fun in this last episode, but it’s possible she really did go up to the room to grab her hat and latched the door out of habit, right? Honestly, at this point, I don’t really care. Ethan and Harper’s relationship is clearly doomed. If Cam and Harper hooked up, so be it. I just don’t want Daphne to get hurt.
Happy Birthday, Valentina! While it’s been a tough ride for the no-nonsense manager until this point, someone finally came along to loosen her up a little bit. Yeah, she may not have gotten Isabella, but she did get a little “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” moment courtesy of Mia. Plus, what better birthday gift for the recently outed Valentina than a night with the eager-to-please Mia? If this doesn’t get her a permanent gig on the piano, I don’t know what will.
Fans of The White Lotus have been struggling to understand Albie since episode one. I’ve found that one’s age tends to affect the way they look at the character. Those who are older find him to be a nice, well-educated young man, whom any woman would be happy to date (my Jewish mother, unsurprisingly, thinks he’s a catch). But it seems like the younger crowd is a little more suspicious of him. They’re looking at Albie in the context of his father and grandfather: two men who have an obviously unhealthy relationship with women. While Albie tries so hard to treat women right, he ends up handling them like fragile dolls, tip-toeing around them, apologizing for seemingly nothing, and removing their agency in the process. It was enough for me to decide that, like the men who came before him, Albie’s relationship with women has a tendency to veer toward toxic. No, I never thought he was an incel (like some of the Internet theorized)—simply a guy trying so hard to prove he’s not his father that he forgot women are humans, not delicate, finicky plants. So while my mom may scoff at Portia for letting Albie get away in exchange for the tatted-up-chap Jack, I completely understood why she didn’t want to be pitied by Albie for the rest of her trip.
At this point, you may be wondering why I would name Albie a winner in this episode—only to rail on him for his relationship with women. Well, he’s a winner because he found Lucia. Finally, a woman who appreciates his kindness, but also has been around the block enough to help Albie realize she isn’t this weak creature who needs protecting. He doesn’t need to fight her battles for her, and when Albie let Lucia handle Alessio on her own, he proved to me that his views on women are finally changing for the better. He has Lucia to thank for that.
Albie ended this episode with a hot kiss from Lucia, as well as the honor of the Least Bad Man in The White Lotus cast. Not a huge accomplishment given the (lack of) competition, but impressive nonetheless.
I just got on Albie for pitying Portia, but the truth is, it’s hard not to. The girl has to shape up. You hate your job because you work for a basket case and there’s absolutely no opportunity for growth? Fine. Enjoy your free vacation, because you aren’t flying home now—and make a point to work on your résumé when you’re back in San Francisco. You don’t want to live for Instagram? Sure. I’ll believe you when you stop dressing for it. I mean, has Portia bought any clothes in the past five years that she didn’t find from a targeted ad or a TikTok influencer promoting the code Jen15 for 15 percent off?
But this isn’t about Portia’s wardrobe, it’s about her conversation with Tanya in the beginning of the episode. I mean, you know your situation is dire when Tanya is telling you to get your shit together. Tanya. The woman who hasn’t made a good decision...possibly ever? That being said, she has Portia absolutely pegged and it’s likely because the two women are so similar. “When you’re empty inside and you have no direction, you’ll end up in some crazy places, right? But you’ll still be lost.” Damn, Tanya, you hit the nail on the head. Maybe stop paying psychics to tell you about your life and start taking your own advice instead.
I know Ethan had a rough go this episode, but I just can’t get behind the guy. He dragged his wife on a vacation she clearly did not want to attend, just so he could impress his college roommate/bully. He got mad at Harper when she wasn’t playing nice—but when she finally starts embracing Cam, he’s not pleased, either. Plus, Ethan doesn’t understand why Harper won’t trust him...when all evidence points to him cheating. (Seriously, if I didn’t see the scene play out myself, even I would have thought Ethan cheated.) His plan to use this vacation as an opportunity to prove something to Cam is backfiring on Ethan, fast. The only upside is that Ethan showed himself to be a very strong swimmer this episode, meaning it likely isn’t his body in the ocean in next week’s finale.
The Di Grasso Men
They may not have gotten their much-coveted family reunion, but it was fun to see these three men put in their place by some Di Grasso women.
He deserves better than to be the butt of Cam’s bad mispronunciation joke. Get him on season three!