The bodies from the second season of The White Lotus haven’t even been buried—and fans are already moving on to discussing season three. Where will it be set? What themes will it cover? And, most importantly, who will be checking into the hotel next? Mike White has proven he’s not above dropping hints months in advance, so there are already some fairly well-substantiated rumors circulating the Internet. Like many other offices, the water cooler talk at W has centered who we’d like to see on the HBO anthology series’ next iteration. We decided that instead of waiting, we’d cast our own season three. Who knows? Maybe Mike White will read this and take note.
Sonja Morgan (The Resort Regular)
Sonja Morgan has already lived the White Lotus life (never forget her no-fail ‘smokey eye, updo, Gstaad!’ trio). The former Lady Morgan can certainly hang with the best of them, and will out-name-drop any White Lotus guest.
—Claire Valentine, Culture Editor
Peppa Pig (The Monica Vitti-Type)
I’m not sure how...given she’s flat, but she needs to be a guest.
—Ysenia Valdez, Senior Social Media Editor
Matthew McConaughey (The Expat)
The White Lotus is begging for an expat with a weird fetish. I would love to see my fellow Texan play an extremely wealthy former hedge fund manager who (for reasons yet to be revealed) left everything to ironically live by a “no shoes, no shirt” policy at one of the finest resorts in the world.
The Cast of Atlanta (A Rapper and His Entourage)
Paper Boi is on a world tour and, of course, existential shenanigans ensue.
Anne Hathaway (Famed Actress Looking for an Escape)
What The White Lotus needs is a real-life celebrity playing a celebrity on vacation—and I’m ready to see Anne Hathaway fill this role.
Nene Leakes (The Reaction Queen)
Season three is begging for someone to break the fourth wall with audiences. Nene Leakes, of Real Housewives of Atlanta fame, provides more than enough fodder, without fail, each time someone says something odious (which, at The White Lotus, happens quite often). Just think of the memes!
—Maxine Wally, Senior Digital Editor
George Costanza (The Odd Man Out)
Wait, who’s that short, balding guy wearing a checkered button-down shirt, sunning himself on the lido deck? It’s George Costanza from Seinfeld—and he’s checking in to The White Lotus. Or, at least, he should be—his bumbling, remarkably lazy, negative-as-all-hell demeanor would shine on the show. And although the series is hilarious (and pretty Jewish in its approach to humor) already, it would do well with even more jokes from members of The Tribe.
Elon Musk (The Picture of Toxic Masculinity)
The only caveat: if Elon Musk makes it onto The White Lotus season three, he definitely dies at the end. Sorry!
Julia Fox (An Influencer on a Press Trip)
It’s about time Julia Fox gets back into acting following the year she’s had—and what better way to make that re-introduction than on The White Lotus? After the PR nightmares that occurred at both the Hawaii and Sicily properties, The White Lotus really needs some good press. Why not invite an influencer for a comped week at their newest location? Fox’s character can show off her fabulous vacation through Instagram stories and pap shots. Plus, if there are some misogynistic men staying at the hotel again, she can put them in her place with one of her patented TikTok diatribes.
—Carolyn Twersky, Staff Writer
Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei (Father-Daughter Duo)
Maybe I’m just in an Italian state of mind after this past season, but while we’re bringing back iconic, Italian-American actors, why not throw Joe Pesci into the mix? Picture this: Marisa Tomei is a successful lawyer whose dad is finally retiring after running the local barber shop for 40 years. Now that Tomei has money, she wants to take her dad on the trip he could never afford and allow him to relax after years of hard work. Of course, Pesci isn’t too pleased about his daughter treating him to a fancy trip, and he has absolutely no idea how to chill out. Chaos, calamity, and familial bonding follows.
Bowen Yang (The Manager)
Make this man the hotel manager next season. He deserves! We deserve!
—Katie Connor, Executive Digital Director
Natasha Rothwell (The Wronged Spa Director)
Now that we know how well things turned out for Jennifer Coolidge’s Tanya, it’s time for us to check in on Natasha Rothwell’s Belinda (the spa manager whom Tanya screwed over in season one). Give us that storyline, Mike White.
Mr. Mosby from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody (The Crisis Manager)
Let him run The White Lotus! No one is getting away with murder under this man’s watch.
—Faith Brown, Social Media Editor
Tom Wambsgans from Succession (The Heartbroken Loner)
This just makes sense. He planned a trip to the White Lotus for him and Shiv and she bailed at the last moment—so now, Tom is alone in Asia, sending back his martini because he asked for three olives instead of two.