Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W's resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, friendship or professional advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Scorpio with an Aries moon and Pisces rising. Since November, I’ve been falling hard for a Gemini. He’s romantic, spontaneous, and attentive. The sex is incredible—meditative, spiritual. He’s taken me to a close friend’s wedding, come to my poetry readings, and spent a small fortune courting me. Which I love.
Here’s the rub: he hasn’t brought up exclusivity. And I want that. My Gemini BFF insists that he won’t state the obvious, and that if I want him to say it, I should ask. But I’m afraid to ask and scare him away or wound my own ego. The alternative, waiting, is driving me to jealousy, suspicion, and retaliatory tendencies. Even though he’s not aware of it, I’m exhausted, going out every night in Gemini fashion, trying to demonstrate how busy and desirable I am. To be honest, I just want to curl up in a dark corner and read a book, while being worshipped, in a totally exclusive partnership. How do I get this?
An Obsessive Scorpio
Dear Obsessive Scorpio,
Curling up with a book and being worshipped? I love that. Leave it to a Scorpio to demand such a thing so bluntly. For all the talk about how flirtatious and non-committal Scorpios are, we all know you want someone to build you an altar and attend to it with immaculate devotion. Do Geminis particularly care about what you want? Well, the answer is always yes and no. They have to be tricked into thinking that what you want is what they want—and oftentimes they just don’t know what that is. They’re out there throwing around ideas, emotions, and often their own clothes off. Being unpredictable is one of their favorite things! It can lead them to creative breakthroughs, new opportunities, and yes, hurting people’s feelings without really realizing they’ve done so. Full disclosure: I love Geminis.
Every Gemini I’ve gone on a date with has appreciated spontaneity. And they really like being seen. These are some of the reasons why they’re a dynamic partnership with a fire sign, like an Aries or a Sagittarius, whereas Leos have a hard time tolerating them for long. Scorpios are possessive. They don’t necessarily have the same desire to be seen unless there is a task or goal—unless they really want something. Geminis are going to stay at the party forever if they can, because to them, the party is its own task or reason to be out because anything can happen there. So of course, you’re exhausted by constantly venturing to different places with him and performing how desirable you are—you want him in bed with you so you can interrogate him like the FBI about his past relationship while he feeds you grapes and tells you how he absolutely loathes his exes and already knows where you’re going to get married. (Scorpios have done this to me on a second date. No joke.) But if you want that, find a Taurus, not a Gemini.
But I’m going to ask the very annoying question here—is that really what you want right now? That incredible, spiritual, meditative sex you mention, the poetry readings… Who’s to say those aren’t all somewhat linked to how uninhibited your relationship is currently? I hear you. You may want forever—a forever only with you. But no one’s really gotten to that "forever" place and told us what it really feels like. A lot of people have pretended to. But I’m a poet and a Sagittarius. I’m not easily convinced or fooled even if the idea seems romantic. So I say stay where you are and take pleasure in the moment. Walt Whitman loved the moment (Gemini, of course). Everything happened there, like everything happens in Leaves of Grass. Maybe revisit that book, too. Sometimes it really takes a Gemini poet to help us see something in a different light.
I do agree with your Gemini friend, however, that if you absolutely still find yourself being unable to shake this feeling, and if it’s leading you to jealousy and games—just be direct about it and say, “Hey, I’d love to be exclusive, what do you think about that?” Let there be a question ending that statement. He’s a Gemini. He both hates and loves his options. But he needs them there. They’re the party. They make him feel alive. (Again, if you said this to a Taurus, there’d be wedding invitations mailed out by the end of the day.) As for me, I’ll be right here casting a spell that there’s some Scorpio out there who wants me the same way. Scorpio passion and obsession is totally intoxicating. I think this Gemini is going to realize that very soon—he probably already has.
Your flirty, freedom-obsessed Sagittarius,
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Virgo with an Aries moon and Libra rising. Last year, I become close with a Libra. They were very close to my own birthday (about 11 days, so they might be considered cusp-y). After a few months of friendship, I proposed taking things to the next level and we dated.
Three months later, they broke it to me that they weren’t feeling it. I was devastated. Though there may have been common ground at the time, I ultimately agree we were a bad match romantically. But everything about the way they went through with the breakup and approached attempting to be friends again after has been painful and soul-killing, and I’ve been stuck on the thought that there's a lot about myself I have to re-examine as a result of being put in this position.
My chart seems to tell me this is to be expected for my particular brand of self-centeredness, but I also wonder if there’s another wake-up call—perhaps how I relate to my rising sign in Libra. I think that “who I want to be” is what really resonated with what I saw in this Libra. The fact that it went south, then, is making me question it. I wonder if this is a pattern pertaining to sun and rising signs that you’ve seen before and would love to hear what you have to say about it—even apart from my specific heartache!
Mad props and love for all you do,
A Heartbroken Virgo
Dear Virgo Heart,
First of all, I can’t say sorry enough that this Libra has caused you so much pain. As an Aries, I’m sending you so much fire to warm your earth heart and hopefully, reignite your moon with its burning Aries match.
There’s a lot to say astrologically about why it might have not worked out. Even without knowing your partner’s moon and rising, it makes a lot of sense why you were attracted to them and wanted to take things to the next level. First of all, people always feel a bond when their birthdays are close, even when they’re technically different signs. As the ether moves from Virgo to Libra season, there are lots of liminal energies that contain the same properties, so people can be bonded because they share the idea of birth and rebirth within the same time of year. Plus, you said they are cusp-y—I wonder how cusp-y, because any actual Virgo-ness in them could have strengthened your bond. What’s more, all signs next to each other have a karmic bond, and the sign after (in this case Libra) has learned a lesson the other has yet to learn. I don’t know about you, but I find someone who knows something I don’t pretty sexy, so just imagine on the karmic level how hot this is to all of us.
Also, your moon in Aries is opposed to Libra, meaning that you saw qualities in this Libra you found undeniably attractive and irresistible. Your Libra rising, as you note, didn’t help matters, because on some level you understood this Libra better than a Virgo who would have an earth sign rising, for example. Plus, your Libra rising further attracted them to you, because when they first met you or when you were out together socializing—which is where Libras love to be most, unless they are hiding under the covers, sulking—they saw how witty you were, with your sparkling social graces, and they fell for you even more madly.
There are many karmically-connected couples who have found themselves together—one that immediately comes to mind is J.Lo and Marc Anthony (Leo and Virgo, respectively). When they got together, I immediately thought, Oh no! I knew after J.Lo’s profound heartbreak from her Leo-Leo relationship with Ben Affleck, she would be drawn to the steadiness of an old Virgo friend, but that things were never going to really be okay, with all that fire and earth trying to work it out. At the same time, there have been successful karmically-connected Virgo-Libra relationships—take Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, for example, who are going on 20 years now. They've figured out a way to draw strength from each other, despite the big differences in their personalities. I can only help but wonder what the rest of their charts look like!
Despite Will and Jada’s success story, I can’t lie and pretend that Virgo-Libra is really a good match. Libras are very cerebral, especially in love. I can see your story play out, as your Libra was enjoying your company and definitely attracted to you, but maybe not thinking of it as romantic with a capital R until you mentioned it. Despite their well-earned bossy reputations, Libras can also be passive and go along with the other person, as they always want to achieve harmony. Basically, they were like, yes, this person is amazing, why not? Libras are deeply romantic, just in a different way than Virgos. More than other signs, they tend to really believe in the idea of true love. I remember many years ago dating a Libra who professed love after a few days, much to my surprise. They like to move fast romantically and express their feelings readily, and when they don’t make the first move, it’s usually not a good sign that they’ll ultimately feel the same way.
Again, I am so sorry about how this Libra reacted after the breakup and seems detached and not respectful of your feelings. This sounds like a pretty classic Libra, using their rational minds to get over something, versus their hearts. I find this to be an annoying trait in people in general. If I ever have any romantic feelings for someone—reciprocated or not—I get that soul-crushed feeling whenever they treat me as a casual friend (Scorpio moon here, hi). It just feels so cruel, and it’s hard to understand that they think they are just being nice. I don’t think your Libra is trying to be cruel. Libras aren���t generally mean at all by definition—it’s just that, like their other air sign kindred, they’re a little wild and free, and want to stay that way. Your Libra likely doesn’t fathom how much it hurts you to see them in friendly ways. And so, maybe it’s best to make a clean break for a while, until your feelings can evolve into something that feels better for you.
I think you’d be really happy with a Taurus, maybe one with a Sagittarius moon. I love that combo actually. Taurus season is coming up. Maybe around late April, go to your local bakery and wait for people to pick up their birthday cakes. Use your charming Libra rising sign to compliment their choice in cake design and maybe invite yourself to their party. They’ll appreciate your initiative.
For whatever it’s worth, I appreciate everything that you do.
Love from the Sea of Love,