Three days ago, Justin Bieber took to Twitter to issue a fight challenge to Tom Cruise, setting the Internet aflame. “I wanna challenge Tom Cruise to fight in the octagon,” he wrote. “Tom if you dont take this fight your scared and you will never live it down. Who is willing to put on the fight? @danawhite ?”
Like so many his age, Bieber loves to shit post, and so it felt like an obvious joke. But the tweet spurred oh so many memes; in the spirit of Bieber vs. Cruise, people started posting celebrities 31 years older than them whom they would fight (this blogger would select Billy Ray Cyrus). But Bieber has finally delivered a public statement, saying the obvious: Cruise, dedicated stuntman and Scientologist, would obviously beat him.
In a video shot in Los Angeles by—who else—TMZ, Bieber said that the threat was “just a random tweet” and that he does “that stuff sometimes.” It’s true! Much like his sometime musical collaborator Diplo, the singer loves a delightfully weird social media moment.
Bieber sanely told the outlet that Cruise would win in a fight between the two. “I think he would probably whoop my ass in a fight,” he added. “He’s got that dad strength.”
He is absolutely correct—Cruise would beat most people in a fight. But what is it with young heterosexual men and their obsession with “dad strength” and “old man strength?” They all love talking about it. Is it related to a fear of mortality? Cruise has no such fear (after all, he has presumably gone Clear). He is constantly crashing helicopters and climbing the sides of buildings for his action movie art. Bieber would not stand a chance.
Cruise has yet to comment. Hailey Bieber also has not weighed in. Celebrities 31 years older than her include J.K. Rowling, Janet Jackson, Shania Twain, Slash, Helena Bonham Carter, and Björk. Rowling seems like the safest bet.