In the premiere episode of Life of Kylie, we saw Kylie Jenner travel to Sacramento to surprise a fan on prom night. The episode ended in a devastating cliffhanger. Will Albert say yes to Kylie’s promposal? Or will he decide to take the free custom tuxedo he was just fitted for and go home alone? I honestly don’t know him well, but I think he’ll probably consider going to prom with the most famous 19-year-old in the world.

Snaps to remember in the life of Kylie:

Kylie bursts into Albert’s day-of-prom-tuxedo-fitting and he seems… happy?

Actually, Albert’s reaction is mostly stunned silence. Look closer: he seems surprised and terrified at the same time. It’s fun to think about all the producers watching this surprise and being upset that Albert didn’t emote more; screaming and crying would've been much more suitable to reality-tv norms. There were so many meetings about how they could make this look more exciting. The poor kid just can’t move.

Victoria books a flight so Tokyo’s boyfriend can crash Albert’s prom, because Tokyo dropped out of school before he could ever go to prom. She says she “loves love” and then points to an engagement ring, but we never get any other details. The mysterious Victoria origin story grows ever more curious…

Just before leaving for the venue, Albert admits that he didn’t even know where the prom was being held. Albert, my man, why are you at a tuxedo fitting then? There are so many layers to this young man that we will just never understand.

Kylie and the crew show up at Albert’s prom and this episode goes from zero to My Super Sweet Sixteen in a hurry.

This episode is one or two music changes away from a horror movie. There are screaming teenagers chasing Kylie and Albert around a banquet hall and they barely make it to an elevator before the mob is about to totally consume them. It’s both ridiculous and also a glimpse into how terrifying it is to be Kardashian family-famous.

Before we head home, we hear from the prom queen who is very much okay with Kylie stealing her thunder and not at all mad that everyone is talking about Kylie and not her. She’s not really mad, you guys. You’re mad. She actually thinks it funny.

And just like that, Kylie is out of Albert’s life. Good luck, Albert. It will never be weirder than this.

In our second A-storyline (what a packed half hour!), Kylie chaperones Jordyn’s blind date with a friend of a friend. Instead of just watching from afar, she communicates with her using an earpiece and a walkie-talkie. This is a bit we’ve seen on every celeb-reality show in history, so it sort of lands with a thud. Kylie doesn’t even feed her any embarrassing lines. What are we even doing here? Stir the pot, Kylie!

After the unsuccessful date, Kyle goes to therapy for the first time. Not because of the date, but just because she wants to go to therapy. How do I know she went to therapy? Because I’m a professional TV critic who understands storytelling in a way you probably never will.

Oh, that too.

I bet you want to know which therapist Kylie visits, don’t you?

She’s a real therapist, you guys. She keeps these conversations on national television PRIVATE.

So far there is no difference between a regular confessional interview and therapy, aside from seeing the back of the therapist’s head and the elegant fish tank. Intrigued to see this relationship develop and also find out if any fish die.

We end episode two with a midnight walk on the beach. Jordyn and Kylie discuss their goals for the year and ponder how long “this fame thing” will last. (Don't we all??)

To be honest, I don’t know how long it will last, but I hope it doesn’t involve any more blind dates.

The quote that defines the life of Kylie this episode:

“I’m not that type of person where I want all the attention.” —Kylie Jenner

Here are the real heroes of the Kardashian-Jenner family empire: