Whatever powers there be that control the universe have chosen this week to smite the good fans of Sarah Jessica Parker. In the strange ways that they work, they have sent their message straight to the soul of every SJP super fan that they should abandon all hope of ever getting to see their beloved actress inhabit her two most beloved roles again.
It was Parker herself who had to deliver the first half of the bad news. While asked a question by an Extra correspondent on the red carpet of the New York City Ballet gala about the fate of a possible third Sex and the City movie, Parker replied, “It’s over. We’re not doing it.”
Gossip quickly spread that there would be no further brunch discussion of whatever lame men Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda were dating at the time because of supposed demands made by Parker’s Sex and the City co-star Kim Cattrall. Then, Cattrall took to Twitter to clarify that the only demand she had was that there not be another Sex and the City movie in the first place.
Which, fair enough. What exactly would we expect out of a SATC 3, anyway. It was either going to be “Mr. Big joins the Trump Cabinet” or “Hey Girls, I just got the four of us an all-expenses paid trip to whatever country’s tourism board decides to sponsor the movie and give us production tax cuts!” Did we really need either?
Besides, isn’t Cynthia Nixon supposed to be running for Governor of New York anyway?
Of course, years before Parker and an all-female ensemble met around a round of cosmopolitans to discuss how the men of Manhattan were sucking out their souls, she was part of another girl group that met around a cauldron to discuss how to suck the souls out of all of Salem’s children: the Sanderson Sisters from Hocus Pocus.
Sure, no one was exactly expecting Parker, Bette Midler, and Kathy Najimy to ever reunite for a sequel. No one would necessarily be angry if it had ever happened, but the least anyone asked is for Hollywood to leave the Halloween camp classic as it is.
Hollywood will do no such thing.
Disney Channel announced this week that they’re remaking the film as a television movie with none of the original cast involved. Apparently, they’re under the impression that people loved that movie for its hard-to-remember plot and not, you know, the performances of Midler, Parker, and Najimy. Good luck to anyone who lands those roles.
Though, we suppose a Square Pegs reunion is still possible. The forces of Hollywood haven’t ruled that out, but what exactly would that be? Two well-adjusted, successful women who survived their awkward teenage years and who still get together every once in a while over red wine to discuss whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that Sex and the City 3 will never happen?
Sarah Jessica Parker’s Best Curly Hair Moments Through the Years
Sarah Jessica Parker with a short bob in 1979 at Bill Bogg’s Thanksgiving Party at the New York Hilton hotel. She played “Annie” at the age of 14.
Actress Sarah Jessica Parker lets her hair down in Los Angeles in 1980. She’s also wearing a denim jacket and her eyebrows are roaming free.
Sarah Jessica Parker with long hair and bangs on the set of “Square Pegs,” a CBS situation comedy. She tops the look off with a bow clip.
Actress Sarah Jessica Parker poses for a portrait circa 1985. She wears a classic ’80s headband over her curls, plus her eyebrows are out of control.
No need for a bump-it when you’ve got that kind of volume. Here, Sarah Jessica Parker attends the American Apparel & Footwear Association’s Eighth Annual American Image Awards in New York City.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair defies gravity at the ‘Stand By Me’ Beverly Hills Premiere on August 6, 1986 at the Academy Theatre in Beverly Hills, California.
Sarah Jessica Parker on the set of “A Year In the Life,” Season 1, which aired on NBC. Her hair is styled into poofy ’80s bangs.
Sarah Jessica Parker attends the “Slamdance” premiere party in 1987 wearing her hair in a half up-do. She’s fully a “dirty blonde” at this moment in time.
Actress Sarah Jessica Parker and her then-boyfriend actor Kevin Bacon attended the AIDS Benefit for Northern Lights Alternatives in April 1987 in New York City.
Sarah Jessica Parker wore her hair in an extremely high ponytail, with a scrunchie no less, at the Young Artists United’s One-Year Anniversary Celebration at Ed Debevic’s Restaurant in Beverly Hills, California.
Actress Sarah Jessica Parker demonstrates how to do sexy messy waves with then-boyfriend David Oliver at the ‘Bull Durham’ screening in Los Angeles in 1988.
Sarah Jessica Parker wore a top-bun to the the “Ghostbusters II” Hollywood Premiere on June 15, 1989 in Hollywood, California with then-boyfriend Robert Downey, Jr..
Sarah Jessica Parker proves that even bed head looks great when you have curly hair. Here, she steps out in Hollywood, California in a sweatshirt.
Sarah Jessica Parker wore a shorter, darker haircut to the 2nd Annual MTV Movie Awards in 1993. She also paired the look with a skin-tight white jumpsuit.
Sarah Jessica Parker showed off a shorter, darker curly bob at the “First Wives Club” New York City Premiere on September 18, 1996 at Paris Theater in New York City.
Sarah Jessica Parker at the Sony Loews Theatre in New York City in 1998 wearing her hair in a messy braided up-do with curly strands cascading down.
Sarah Jessica Parker sported a shorter haircut with Matthew Broderick at the Unicef 50th Anniversary Gala in New York City. She also wore a sequin gown, of course.
Sarah Jessica Parker does a chic half up-do at the “Godzilla” New York City Premiere on May 18, 1998 at Madison Square Garden in New York City.
Sarah Jessica Parker wears her hair in a perfect curly pyramid at the 6th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards in 2000. She also paired the look with a corset suit and flower pin.
In the final seasons of “Sex and the City,” Sarah Jessica Parker cut her hair into a short bob— a mature move for her and her character, Carrie.
While Sarah Jessica Parker stopped going curly into her adult years, she still flaunted some glamorous (and blown-out) ringlets at the 2009 Oscars in Hollywood, California.
Channeling old Carrie Bradshaw from her Sex and the City days, Sarah Jessica Parker debuts a new platinum bob for summer 2017.
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