When it comes to macrobiotic diets and yoni eggs, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t follow trends—she sets them. When it comes to TikTok, however, even Paltrow realizes she might need some help from Gen Z. So to kick off Goop’s official presence on the 60-second video app, Paltrow called in someone who undoubtedly must be one of her favorite members of Generation Z for some help: her daughter, Apple Martin.
Martin decided the best way to show her love was by positively roasting her mother’s morning routine (to be fair, who among us hasn’t raised an eyebrow at some of Paltrow’s more cutting-edge self-care habits?). Paltrow goes about her typical AM agenda, while Martin’s disembodied head explains the routine from a bubble.
“I suppose the Goop Flow is part of her cleanse,” says Martin as her mother makes her liquid breakfast. “Which she has been on since the day I was born, apparently.” Martin then says her mother spends approximately a full hour slathering her face with various Goop skincare products before heading to work for the morning.
“Then she gets to work, making some more vagina eggs and candles—also, vagina candles—and vagina perfumes, and, yeah, just everything vagina,” deadpans Martin.
It should be of little surprise, however, that Goop is moving into the TikTok space. Paltrow’s wellness emporium first started its life as a semi-informal newsletter Paltrow herself typed from her kitchen. Newsletters are still a major online focus, but younger generations are more apt to connect on TikTok...especially in some of Goop’s go-to categories, like skincare. The app, for example, has led to major business for brands like CeraVe and Paula’s Choice. Of course, Goop would want a part of that.
Martin taking her place as part of the Goop industrial complex is also notable. Paltrow is notorious for not sharing all that many photos of her children, but 16-year-old Martin now seems to be stepping into the public. She also recently shared her own morning routine with Goop readers. “I wake up and check my texts, Instagram, TikTok—just catch up with everything,” said Martin. “I brush my teeth, and after a night of sleep, my hair’s a little crazy, so I put it up.” And even though she roasted her mother for it, as it turns out, Martin’s morning routine also involves plenty of Goop products.