Alex Rodriguez is the new cover star of Sports Illustrated—a semi-flattering honor, given that he's the newest face of their "Where Are They Now?" issue, which "catches up with the stars and prominent figures from yesteryear." And while it largely focuses on Rodriguez's illustrious baseball career, it also, of course, touches on his present-day life as the fiancé of Jennifer Lopez. For Rodriguez, the latter has yielded the outcome of his dreams—ones that he's harbored for two whole decades. And for us lowly readers, it's yielded a much simpler, yet nonetheless delightful, pleasure: a highly amusing paragraph in his latest cover story.
As you may recall, back on the first Monday in May, Rodriguez attended this year's Met Gala—a turn of events that seems unlikely to have transpired had he not been dating, not to mention become engaged to, Lopez. (Rodriguez, whose reaction to attending the 2019 Oscars with Lopez was "How the fuck did I get here?," seems to have realized as much.)
According to the reporter, A-Rod was still "buzzing" from the Met Gala, which had taken place the night before, a portion of which he promptly recounted. "We had a great table," he said of his and Lopez's assigned seats inside the gala. Allow him to describe: "The black guy from The Wire—Idris Elba, yeah, and his new wife. Some famous singer next to me, I don’t know what her name is. Versace—Donatella. We had Kylie and Kendall. And we had an Asian gentleman from Rich Asians, the lead."
Let's break this down. According to A-Rod, Idris Elba, Golden Globe-winning actor, DJ, and Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE), is simply "the black guy"—not even the British guy!—"from The Wire." Depending on how you interpret his phrasing, it's also possible that according to A-Rod, Donatella Versace, a fashion icon responsible for making history with J.Lo—and, as Rodriguez shared on Instagram, dressing both of them for that night's gala—is actually simply "some famous singer." (It's also possible that he's still learning Donatella's name, and failed to recognize someone like Ciara, who fits the bill of a "famous musician" wearing Versace.)
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Thankfully, when it came to Henry Golding, Rodriguez remembered to add two keywords: "the lead." (Describing a member of Crazy Rich Asians's all-Asian cast as "an Asian gentleman" doesn't exactly give much to go on.)
And yet, Rodriguez seems to have had no trouble recognizing and remembering"Kylie and Kendall." They weren't exactly missable, but then again, neither was Versace, who we know he noticed because of his appearance in the top left corner of the photo below.
Unlike the rest, the Jenners even made it onto Rodriguez's Instagram Stories. (The fact that he tagged them also suggests that he even knows their last name.) Kendall and Kylie were also the only ones who managed to jog Rodriguez's memory enough to provide Sports Illustrated with an additional detail, which concluded his recap of the evening: "Kylie was talking about Instagram and her lipstick, and how rich she is," he said of the semi-self-made billionaire.