Ask the Astro Poets: Are Aquarians the “Chill Girls” of the Zodiac?

The Astro Poets answer these and other vital questions in their monthly advice columns.

Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, friendship or professional advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Sagittarius who fell in love with a Leo by accident. What started as a simple, “I want to have crazy, weird, passionate sex with you” turned into him now moving into my house this past weekend (sort of out of necessity; he was living in a van at a campground and it’s getting colder here in New England) but also because we know we have a riot together. Here’s the thing, he doesn’t know I am in love with him. I broke up with him once last winter because, well, I am a Sagittarius and get bored easily, and wanted to “figure my life out on my own” (whatever the hell that meant). That lasted two weeks before he called me to get snowed in with him during a blizzard, and we’ve been together ever since. I think I bruised his enormous Leo ego. Let it be known, he originally put so much time and energy into trying to date me at the beginning, which is very different from how he usually is with women, so I know that I am special to him. Anyway, when I fall in love, I fall hard, and I have. I want to tell him how I feel, but have a huge fear of rejection. I have never told a man that I love him without him already having professed his undying love to me. Men usually worship me immediately. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Love, A Vulnerable Sagittarius

Dear Vulnerable Sagittarius,

The romantic and friendship chemistry between fire signs is undeniably strong—Leo and Sagittarius especially. It can also feel unsustainable because it’s high intensity almost all of the time and both of these signs will tell you what they want in a demanding fashion. The trick is to want the same things at the same time, which is hard with any pair, but certainly very hard with this one. Sagittarians are obsessed with freedom and “figuring life out on their own,” as you say (and don’t apologize for that, it’s one of the admirable albeit difficult traits of a Sagittarius, a sign that will rarely be codependent in a relationship). Leos, while always up for making a move if they want something, will immediately retreat if they don’t feel total adulation—and that’s really the phrase for it—because of their ego, which is their great asset in their career but not in love. In fact, it’s their big hindrance when it comes to romance.

You’re doing a very Sagittarius thing by saying you “fell in love by accident.” What you must battle with internally, the Leo ego aside (and I’ll get to more about it in a second), is the Sagittarius tendency to flee from love out of a fear that it’s constricting. If you were a Taurus, you’d be picking out furniture and matching sweaters already. But you’re not. You’re the dreamer of the zodiac and you want all doors open at all times even if it’s terrifying to live this way. You aren’t giving anything up by falling in love. I know you need to hear this as a Sagittarius. You’re just becoming yourself, a different version of you—and none of the versions are permanent anyway. Nothing is going to last, it’s all about taking pleasure in individual moments of being (as Virginia Woolf, an Aquarius figured out before us).

I wanted to answer your question because it hit very close to home. Once a Leo was obsessed with me too, and as a Sagittarius, I did the exact thing you did. At the time my first book was coming out and I was busy with all sorts of things. My go to answer for almost anything romantic was “I’m just figuring out my life right now,” which was true! But it also felt like a way of buying time. Unfortunately, it’s not something anyone wants to hear. And Leos especially don’t like to wait. So after quite a bit of time I came back and did what you’re thinking of doing. Professed, confessed, however you want to say it. And it didn’t work. But I did do it. I think you should too. Sagittarians are often lucky because of their bravery. They put themselves out there even against the odds, even when rejection may appear to be obvious. Leos, as a result of their ego, are not often like this. And it’s why they miss out on really great things. Go for this. No matter what the answer is it will at least bring you closer to the truth. The truth, even if painful, is the most important step into the future.

Your mostly brave Sagittarius, Alex

Dear Astro Poets, Thank you for being the alphai centauri on my timeline. My question for you: are Aquarians the “chill girls” of the zodiac? I mean, if the objects of our affection don’t immediately evacuate from the hurricane of attention that is week one of Aquarian courtship, the rest is pretty smooth sailing. We’re low maintenance (aka will date starving artists), sex-positive, not ruffled easily and totally fine with being friends with our exes. And when our hearts are broken, we’ve no shortage of humanist causes to throw ourselves into, because at least the world needs our love, amiright? I realize that even now, I’m speaking in universal terms, but are Aquarians even destined for lasting, monogamish relationships in the first place? Are we just sitting ducks for brocialist dudes to take advantage of or is the world becoming more like us? What do we need to do to stop being dumped for the next sassy, self-loving Leo in the room?

Sincerely, A Chill Aquarius

Dear Chill Aquarius,

We are so glad to be among your intimates on Twitter. That’s where we want to stay.

You bring up a lot of good points and the most important one might be that, yes, Aquarians are pretty nice to be in a relationship with. One of the great loves of my life was an Aquarius and despite some extreme jealousy issues (that I probably incited), he was the best as a partner—very easygoing, very kind, always thinking of others, plenty nerdy and into his own things so he wasn’t too needy. In lots of ways, he was definitely the chillest person I’ve ever been lucky enough to know.

I say this to all of my Aquarius friends but you really are the geniuses of the zodiac. And it’s not like you are all Gertrude Stein or Big Boi over there, thinking of new inventions in language and art to break us free from old ways of seeing the world. But your humanism, as you mention, is kind of the most genius thing about you. You realize our place in the universe and how small it is. So many people get freaked out thinking about this idea and turn their fear inward, making their perspective even more myopic. But Aquarians keep flipping the mirror to the world and consider how their actions affect others. That’s brilliant. Genius, even. We need more of you these days.

Being a fixed sign, it is totally possible for you to have lasting, monogamish relationships. That is, if you want them. Because like your fixed sign siblings—Taurus, Leo, and Scorpio— you can be pretty stubborn, if necessary, and you will stay with someone if you have committed to the cause. But you are an air sign, too, which means you can look at love pretty cerebrally and can rationalize your emotions and decide that something can’t work before it gets a fighting chance. That’s an instinct to try to consider shifting a little, if what you want is a lifelong love.

What you really need is a partner who can survive the initial bit with you. From being on the other end of it, it’s both hot and cold, and the temperature change doesn’t always make sense to the other person. In my experience, Aquarians can be non-committal at first and then very intense, so you need a person who shares your ‘chill enough to handle this’ approach. I still remember the first time I spent the night with my Aquarius love. I dropped him off where he lived the next day and he said, “I’ll talk to you sometime.” Another sign would have been like, “I will talk to you in 10 minutes” or “Talk to you tomorrow.” Someone other than me, like a Libra, would have demanded to know just exactly when this talking was going to happen again, or that Aquarius could be certain it wasn’t going to happen again at all, thank you very much. But I just kind of shrugged the coldness off and the next day was met with the surprise of his warmth for years after.

So, when looking for love, don’t even consider someone who would leave you for a Leo. You need a good old soul who knows what’s up and isn’t into the pageantry of life, but instead wants to get down and dirty into being a great person and making the world better. I might suggest an Aries, but then again, I’m biased. A Gemini, Pisces, or Sagittarius—all of these could be the right match for you.

Whatever happens, please remember how awesome you are.

Love forever, Dorothea

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Pisces who is full of everybody’s secrets. From friends to family and even at work, I have always found that people tell me things they’re not sharing with anyone else. On the one hand, I love it, because nothing feels more intimate and humanizing to me than to have another person single you out that way. I love earning trust and keeping it. On the other hand, sometimes I feel beat up at the end of the day. Whether it’s a coworker thinking of leaving her high-powered job and a lot of chaos in her wake, or a mother who has secretly raised her third child as her husband’s when it is actually his friend’s—when I go to bed at night sometimes I feel old. I think I’ll never stop being a repository for secrets and I consider that one of my best qualities. But do you have any advice for an intuitive Pisces who sometimes intuits a bit…too much? How do sensitive Pisces stay happy and centered?

A Tired Pisces

Dear Tired Pisces,

You’re the oldest and arguably wisest sign in the Zodiac. When people encounter you, they may not see all your depth and past lives immediately, but they feel them. And they want to add to that complicated river always running beneath you, beneath the surface of the everyday.

One thing that may be difficult to get used to as a Pisces is the enormous rooms—many, many rooms in your psyche—left open and available for empathy. The rooms would not be there if you could not endure them. Cancer, another very empathetic sign, also has a difficult time living with the possibility of such great empathy within them. In order to preserve and put it to best use, you must take care of yourself.

Pisces are not often the sign to tell their needs to others, not fully anyway. Their main fear is that they’ll be perceived as too needy, which they already know is how they’re misconstrued. I’ve had three Pisces boyfriends so, I know. There are many places to tend to your own needs and secrets (not just bury them). Anything expressive like painting, writing poetry, music, acting—these are things Pisces excel at and infuse with personal energy they often refrain from unleashing in their friendships and romances. Pisces are also a sign that’s able to commune with animals in a real way. I’m not saying go to the zoo or anything (because zoos are cruel) but if you don’t have a dog, cat, snake or bird already—adopt one. Animals instinctively give back the energy they receive. And Pisces are definitely animal people, if you know what I mean.

Now, I’m going to make two earthy suggestions, which may seem counterintuitive to your watery aura but trust me. The Taurus artist, James Turrell, is someone I always think of when I’m feeling this kind of way—drained by keeping the lives of others inside me. I think his works, interested in light and space, do to the exact opposite. They expand the self to the point of dissolving the self. And to me, he’s an artist Pisces would really benefit from (all of us really but you especially). Go sit inside a James Turrell skyspace, rooted in the earth but looking beyond it, and just let yourself go wherever it is you’re being taken internally. And a final suggestion. Sleep with an aquamarine (your birth stone) placed under your pillow, and to the right and left of your bed, for 12 days. After that, write down, record, take a photo of, paint, or just imagine your greatest fear—the one you’ve carried with you from relationship to relationship. And sometime when you’re able to, take it to the desert. Any desert. Ideally, you’ll be alone. Ideally, this would not be some ritual of you destroying or leaving behind this fear but giving it its own place to live, which is far from you.

Loving you & all your secrets, Alex

Dear Astro Poets, Hello from Texas. I appreciate your Scorpio insight. I’m a Scorpio woman with mainly Scorpio and Leo in my birth chart. So I can be bold, come on strong at times and be a little dramatic. I recently have started seeing a Pisces man with a Scorpio moon. His chart is pretty balanced but he’s definitely more sensitive than I am. So far we are comfortable around each other and the chemistry is fire. However, I can tell I’m much more independent and stimulating than he is. I like stimulation of any kind, mainly intellectual discourse or a night out. I don’t mind being the more intellectual one in a partnership but I can’t ignore my Leo moon’s needs to have a life and search for excitement. I like to go out to parties on most weekends and socialize. He, on the other hand, is shy and happiest it seems staying in and putting on Netflix. I want to make it work and appease both of our wants and needs but I think he may prefer someone more domesticated than I am. How can I make this work between us? Do you have any advice for me suggesting to my Pisces that I may need more outings and less down time without being too demanding and risk scaring him off?

Sincerely, A Curious Scorpio

Dear Curious Scorpio,

Wow, a Scorpio and a Texan. We live for you.

Thank you for this question, because it gives us an opportunity to discuss something key to understanding how love and the zodiac work together: moon signs. I am glad you shared your moon sign and your man’s, as moon signs are pretty important in understanding how a relationship is going to go.

You guys are Pisces-Scorpio, which is an amazing match. I am relatively obsessed with all water signs (Scorpio moon here), so I kind of am jealous that you are living in this watery reality. It makes sense that this connection is fire. Pisces-Scorpio truly get each other, because you both see through the surface of life into the delicious subtext. It must be so much fun sharing that with someone and I am glad that as a Scorpio, you have found this Pisces match.

But back to your moons. In any intimate relationship, the moon sign is everything. The moon sign is like your id (as in the Freud definition of this word). It’s who you are when you aren’t even trying, even in the least bit. Because after the work day has faded away, it’s just two people’s moon signs sitting alone together at 6 pm, trying to communicate what they want.

Scorpios are very intuitive (some would say, psychic, even) and you really have picked up on how your Leo moon might not work that well with his Scorpio moon. But to truly understand what is happening when you both interact, you have to look at life from his perspective. He is a Pisces, with a Scorpio moon. Let’s let this sink in for a moment (excuse the pun). This means he’s all water. You know this from being water yourself, it’s hard to always be the one absorbing all the energy—the hurt, the pain, and the joy––of the whole room 24 hours a day. The difference however between you and your man is that you are a Scorpio, so you can put up defenses to keep these feelings out when you need to. Plus your Leo moon helps you concentrate on more outward concerns, like the positive vibes you get from socializing.

To a Pisces, being around people is profoundly exhausting. Because whereas you can absorb people’s energies, and form a wall to protect yourself, your Pisces is all permeable membrane, taking in whatever people throw his way. In addition, his Scorpio moon is in a challenging placement for similar reasons. It’s like a double whammy on your Pisces to collect a ton of baggage all day (not even taking into account his own, which if I know Pisces, is plentiful) and then having to sift through it when he is finally alone.

Your Pisces feels safe with you and loves the closeness when you and he are away from the rest of the world. You know better than I what domestication might mean to the both of you, but in its good and purest form, the home is a place to recharge. Whereas a party, with all of its rapport and hugs, fuels your Leo moon, probably just the thought of it makes him sad and tired.

To find a happy balance, you might make use of the event structure that has worked from time immemorial: the dinner party. Instead of going to a blowout or a bar (curse the thought), why not have some fun people over and eat beautifully cooked food, dance, and you know, do that dinner party thing. You and your moons might get what you both need from it.

Then kick those people out by midnight, and do what water signs do well together everywhere. All night, if you have to.

We love you—keep being your badass self.

Love, from an Aries who is dangerously obsessed with Scorpios, Dorothea

Related: For Halloween, Twitter’s Favorite Astrologers Have Your October Horoscopes

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