Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W's resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Sagittarius currently seeing a Capricorn. Before meeting my beloved Capricorn, I was hung up on an Aries whom I experienced a lot of connection and emotion with, but it never worked out. This Capricorn brings out my lighter side and showers me with gifts just to show how much he, as he puts it, "thinks of me every day." The problem is that I haven’t revealed my emotions like he has with me, and whenever he wants to have a serious moment I ruin it by making a joke. What can I do to show a Capricorn that I’m just as interested in him as he is in me?
A Restrained Sagittarius
Dear Restrained Sagittarius,
Let me start out by saying that as a Sagittarius, I felt that. So often we're drawn to another fire sign, like an Aries or a Leo, where the connection is immediate and clear. And so often things flame out and we’re left with too much, when all we wanted was just enough. You may already know this, but in love, a Sagittarius is the least "readable" of the fire signs, so while we certainly have the ability to be forward and reveal our emotions, others may not perceive that right away. And sometimes, we’re also more subtle than our fire sign family. I’ve said this to myself many times before, but I’ll say it again here: As much as a Sagittarius resists earth signs on the surface, it’s because we're wildly attracted to them. And you can’t get more earth than Capricorn, baby.
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Capricorns are incredibly perceptive and, as you pointed out, will demonstrate that physically—giving gifts, taking care of an actual need (read: not something abstract), and continuously showing up for you. They are nothing but consistent. Sometimes a Sagittarius may not see this as "romantic," because there isn’t that wild and crazy gesture we’re prone to loving, but falling in love with a Capricorn has an intense, slow build to it. They won’t disappear on you or play mind games. They'll be fully present. And if they want you, they’re there to win. When a Capricorn focuses their attention on something they want, whether it’s a career goal or a person (which they approach more or less the same), they'll get it. They just won’t let up. Your Capricorn will text you every day. It'll be in a measured way I’m sure, but he'll do it. He'll do it every single day until you realize that he’s not going anywhere and that you can count on him.
And that’s exactly what scares a Sagittarius. Let’s get very real here. We’re good at handling the thing most people aren’t—the first wild and unexpected "I love you" when someone’s a little too drunk, the big fight that actually shows how much both people care, and the "I’m going to quit my job and move across the country for you." Fireworks and drama? We’re masters. But when someone is stable and wants to care for us? We'll put on the brakes and be restrained. Capricorns may have a bad rep with fire signs—whether they're called "a little boring" or "too career obsessed"—but those are just fire sign defense mechanisms. So, absolutely show this Capricorn how much you care about him. He’s just as attracted to you and how different you are emotionally, so don’t overthink this. Be yourself. Be that care-free Sagittarius who will tell people exactly what they think.
Here’s the thing, too: Even if you go overboard and think you’ve said too much, an earth sign will stick it out. Capricorns see people’s true intentions and heart. They’re a no bullshit sign. And, as you know, a Sagittarius can really get behind that. We’re not here to waste time. So, go ahead and fall in love. Like, now. Take him on a trip! In true Sagittarius fashion. He will love it.
Your wild Sagittarius,
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Cancer girl and I’ve been hooking up with this Aries girl for a few weeks now. Everything’s going great, and it’s all really hot, but I think she’s catching feelings. This would be incredibly bad—especially because our friend group doesn’t know we’re hooking up, and I don’t have the time or desire for a relationship right now. (Or for explaining everything to our friends.) How do I tell if she’s really catching feelings, and how do I get her to lose them without losing a great hookup?
An Unattached Crab
Dear Unattached Crab,
Thank you for your message, as it is quite cathartic for this Aries girl to read.
You see, I’ve had my more than my fair share of being front and center in the Aries-Cancer love dynamic and its life-altering goodness. When things undoubtedly never worked out, I’ve always wondered, Is it me? Your question makes me finally realize: Yes, it is in fact you. There’s something comforting about this Aries self-realization, so, thank you.
How can I put this? Aries, although they seem spritely and fun, laughing at jokes from here until Tuesday; flirting with a tree stump if they need to; talking about anyone they find hot, which is likely just about anyone; are very (read: VERY) serious about love. Sure, they can "casually hook up" if necessary, but just so you know, Aries never casually hook up with anyone. I’ve always been surprised when I hear my friends, particularly my earth sign friends, tell me of their sexcapades with a sort of blissful detachment. They always want to tell me about the act itself and the machinations of it, describing what worked and what didn’t, while I sit there pretending to listen, but crying a little inside.
People other than Aries tend to see sex as a kind of sensual exploration—which is what it is and what it can be, for sure. However, no matter what lie they tell you to keep you coming back, an Aries never sees sex that way. For an Aries, sex is always about the first rain of spring, a slow-motion stop camera opening of a purple flower, a look that lasts beyond the grave, i.e. something holy. Not to freak anyone out here, but when an Aries hooks up with someone, they've probably already decided that you're soulmates and eternally bound, and are trying very hard to wait at least 10 seconds before they blurt out their love ballad. (Probably a very catchy love ballad, I might add.)
All this is to say that your Cancer senses are more than right. Your Aries girl is in fact "catching feelings." She’s probably knockdown, dead-center f---ing in love with you and is picking out your engagement ring as we speak. And even though your concerns are very important, and it’s good you know yourself well enough to know you don’t want a relationship right now, there is no way to convince her not to have feelings for you. A Cancer has never been too good convincing me to do anything, except hate them for a few weeks after they reject me. Plus, be honest: Her ability to feel is what you love about her. Maybe you feel something deeply for her, too, and it might be time to admit it to at least yourself. Just saying.
Anyway, I think unfortunately you have to decide whether you want to go there with her—relationship-wise—or if you want to cut off these hook ups for now. Meaning, until you’re ready to love her because you miss her so much. And, speaking for all of my Aries family, you will. In the meantime, as your devoted astrologer, I suggest you find a Taurus. Taurus-Cancer is an amazing match. You'll be happy and these questions won’t be as difficult. (Or as fun.)
Dorothea, an Aries