Confused by Goop, generally? Not a problem—so, too, is Baskin Johns, the alleged Goop staffer played by Saturday Night Live cast member Heidi Gardner, who made her debut on the show last year and reprised the part on this week’s episode, apparently having become no more educated about what her employer is peddling in the intervening few months. (It’s been a wild time for women named Baskin.),
“Weekend Update” anchor Michael Che welcomed Johns back to the table to discuss some of Goop’s hit products. “I’m sure Gwyneth is watching,” Che assures her in their segment. Gardner, as Johns, blanches: “Cool!” she says, false enthusiastic. (This was what tripped her up last time she was on “Weekend Update.” Has no one learned anything?) She stumbles through the ingredients list for a Goop cleanser, attributing the source of one to Wakanda, the fictional country where Black Panther takes place. It gets pretty bad—so bad, in fact, that Johns fears aloud that she might be fired by a watching Gwyneth Paltrow.
Enter Baskin Johns’s manager at Goop, Fifer James—gamely played by none other than Paltrow herself. For all that Goop might peddle pseudo-scientific wellness products, Paltrow has proved herself pretty willing to poke fun at her image on Instagram and on air.
In any case, Paltrow, in character, explains that Paltrow, the businesswoman, would never fire an employee, she assures her underling. No, Paltrow doesn’t believe in firing—she believes in “conscious unemploying.” This isn’t actually that reassuring, but it turns out, James is no more able to explain Goop’s products aside from them being “number one,” so they both might be heading for the conscious severance package.
But there’s one lingering question that both women are able to answer. “What does Goop stand for?” Che asks. In unison, they reply: “Gwyneth opens our paychecks.” See the full clip, below.