SEASONS GREETINGS

The Cheesiest Celebrity Holiday Cards of All Time: From the Royals to the Jonas Brothers

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Courtesy of @joejonas

Somehow, despite what seems like infinite resources, most celebrities still seem to be incapable of creating and sharing a holiday or Christmas card that isn’t cheesy. (Unless, that is, you’re like Ellen DeGeneres, and willing to Photoshop a naked Justin Bieber into your seasons greetings.) It’s easy enough to trace back the roots of that common misconception: like so many other things these days, they’ll take you straight back to the Kardashians, who’ve managed to turn even wintry well-wishing into a years-long, plot-lined production. Not that they’re without competition. The royals are still reigning supreme overseas, as Kensington Palace showcased on Friday when rolling out the Christmas cards that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton’s families are set to send around this Christmas. See how they and more celebrities have gotten into the unabashedly basic holiday spirit over the years, here.

1

Kate Middleton and Prince William may have stepped a little bit too far to the side this year to make way for newlyweds Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Thankfully, Princess Charlotte and Princes Louis and George—the latter of whom appear to have grown twice their size—aren’t about to morph into a Lands’ End catalogue without a fight.

2

Hold up, is that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry watching the world burn?! No, it’s actually the (faceless) couple proving to be fallible humans like the rest of us, putting in the absolute minimum effort into their first-ever family Christmas card by using a pre-existing photo, rather than going to the trouble of staging another shoot. (Never mind that there weren’t exactly holiday vibes at their wedding reception back in May, which was the real reason they actually took this photo.)

3

Sorry, Jason Biggs and Jenny Mollen, but we’re pretty sure the majority of people who received your card last year only saw it for about half a second, before mistaking it for yet another American Eagle ad and sending it straight to the recycling bin.

4

Maybe Mark Wahlberg really did need some of that jumbo All the Money in the World salary, seeing as his family’s 2016 holiday cards could just as easily have come from your neighbor down the street.

5

“Oh hi, I didn’t see you there…” – Beyoncé in the midst of her no doubt meticulously planned holiday card shoot, 2013.

6

Yes, even before they had four kids together, Hilaria and Alec Baldwin have always been over the top.

7

There’s just one thing missing from this busy composition that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson appears to have discovered on the internet and shared in 2014: its hashtags, “#LookinLikeTwoBuffLesbians,” “#WhoJustExfoliated,” and “#MistleToesAndFannyPacks,” which we’re going to let speak for themselves.

8

Behold Elizabeth Chambers and Armie Hammer‘s perfectly ordinary, pastel pink, and 100 percent Call Me By Your Name-reference free Christmas card from 2017.

9

He may have turned his attention to his fiancée, Sophie Turner, in the years since 2013, but rest assured: Joe Jonas would still like you to have a very, very quirky Christmas.

10

Not sure how to sign off your family holiday card? Why not make like Naomi Watts and polish it off with the hashtags #hohoho, #tistheseason, and #dab?

11

As if your friends and acquaintances need yet another reminder that you’re obsessed with Game of Thrones. Still, we have to give Kelly Clarkson—and her husband Brandon Blackstock, pictured here in a kilt—points for their sheer effort in 2015, a few years before Donald Trump ruined GoT references forever.

12

For his holiday first in office, Donald Trump didn’t even pretend to get inclusive with his seasonal wishes, which he limited to a simple “Merry Christmas,” but also did so as loudly as possible by supersizing his cards. (See the penny at left for scale.)

13

Luckily, Kevin Hart had the foresight not to mention the Academy Awards anywhere on the movie poster he created for his family in 2017.

14

Hiring David LaChapelle to photograph their 2013 Khristmas Kard perfectly showcased exactly how much the Kardashians’ annual tradition means to them—though unfortunately still managed to leave out exactly why.