ADVICE

Ask the Astro Poets: Why Does Being in Love Make Me Want to Vomit?

Twitter’s favorite astrologers weigh in on lust and lovesickness.


Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m the quintessential Scorpio. Vulnerability is often my enemy and I look for the challenging souls with whom I’m most incompatible. In December, I met a lovely Libra man. By our third date, he asked me to be exclusive. Now it’s April, and I know my Libra on a much deeper level. He’s the Libra who has given me the relationship that, prior to our meeting, I’d only dreamed of.

But here’s my problem: Just typing out my feelings about him makes me want to vomit. What am I, the archetypal Scorpio woman, to do? The feelings that this amazing man evokes in me make me feel exposed and too vulnerable. I know how irrational and defeating these thoughts are. I don’t want them to undermine my ability to give and receive love from my amazing partner. I could use some sage wisdom and tips on how I can remember to give way to accepting the deep love that I waited for for so long.

Love,

A Smitten Scorpio

Dear Smitten Scorpio,

And this is how Scorpios are different from their water sign family, Pisces and Cancers. They love a challenge. The chase, the obsession, the unknowable nature of another person in those first weeks of dating—that’s what you live for. So now you have someone who is willing to worship you and give you the best love of your life, and it’s making you feel a little sick. Of course! No offense to water signs, but they’re all a little cheesy (save Scorpios). The fact that Scorpios are more skeptical and hold on to some of their reservations makes them smart and resilient. Not anything else.

I actually think how you’re feeling is not a bad thing. You’re being incredibly honest about it. Many people would fake it and perform the best relationship ever to themselves and the world. The thing is, you should be telling your partner this. (Not exactly “my feelings for you make me want to vomit”—definitely a bad opener.) And that’s scary. And it absolutely would destroy a Libra to hear that, though they’ll pretend to be approaching it intellectually and listen to you and nod. Libras are incredibly intuitive, but they’re silent about that intuition until you come to them, or until they’re approached. What I’m saying is, your partner may already feel this energy from you. But a Libra won’t rock the boat or start a conversation about something that “may be” there and when it may not be.

Scorpio Season Is All About Frank Ocean, Demi Moore, and Björk

Tilda Swinton, born November 5th, photographed by Tim Walker for W Magazine, September 2011.

Tim Walker

Kiernan Shipka, born November 10th, photographed by Jackie Nickerson for W Magazine, May 2019.

Jackie Nickerson

Frank Ocean, born October 28th, photographed by Tim Walker for W Magazine, July 2019.

Tim Walker

Maggie Gyllenhaal, born November 16th, photographed by Alasdair McLellan for W Magazine, Volume IV.

Alasdair McLellan

Shailene Woodley, born November 15th, photographed by Tim Walker for W Magazine, February 2015.

Tim Walker

Joaquin Phoenix, born October 28th, photographed by Richard Burbridge for W Magazine, February 2014.

Richard Burbridge

Björk, born November 21st, photographed by Tim Walker for W Magazine, November 2017.

Tim Walker

Drake, born October 24th, photographed by Caitlin Cronenberg with artwork by KAWS for W Magazine, August 2018.

Caitlin Cronenberg and KAWS

Chloë Sevigny, born November 18th, photographed by Anthony Maule for W Magazine, January 2012.

Anthony Maule

Sam Rockwell, born November 5th, photographed by Juergen Teller for W Magazine, Volume I 2018.

Juergen Teller

Amandla Stenberg, born October 23rd, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2017.

Mario Sorrenti

Tracee Ellis Ross, born October 29th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2017.

Mario Sorrenti

Leonardo DiCaprio, born November 11th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, February 2012.

Mario Sorrenti

Jodie Foster, born November 19th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2016.

Mario Sorrenti

Willow Smith, born October 31st, photographed by Willy Vanderperre for W Magazine, April 2016.

Willy Vanderperre

Adam Driver, born November 19th, photographed by Craig McDean for W Magazine, February 2017.

Craig McDean

Anne Hathaway, born November 12th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2008.

Mario Sorrenti

Emma Stone, born November 6th, photographed by Juergen Teller for W Magazine, February 2013.

Juergen Teller

Julia Roberts, born October 28th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2012.

Matthew McConaughey, born November 4th, photographed by Craig McDean for W Magazine, February 2017.

Craig McDean

Thandie Newton, born November 6th, photographed by Mona Kuhn for W Magazine, August 2016.

Mona Kuhn

Demi Moore, born November 11th, photographed by Mert and Marcus for W Magazine, December 2009.

Mert and Marcus

Ethan Hawke, born November 6th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2016.

Mario Sorrenti

Winona Ryder, born October 29th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, October 2017.

Mario Sorrenti

Katy Perry, born October 25th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine, November 2013.

Mario Sorrenti

Gerard Butler, born November 13th, photographed by Steven Klein for W Magazine, April 2010.

Steven Klein

Rachel McAdams, born November 17th, photographed by Sebastian Kim for W Magazine, June 2011.

Sebastian Kim

Penn Badgley, born November 1st, photographed by Jackie Nickerson for W Magazine, May 2019.

Jackie Nickerson

Kendall Jenner, born November 3rd, photographed by Alasdair McLellan for W Magazine, October 2017.

Alasdair McLellan

Ryan Gosling, born November 12th, photographed by Paul Jasmin for W Magazine, November 2005.

Paul Jasmin
1/30

You should plan a very chill night in with a good bottle of red. After a few glasses, start telling your Libra how he’s a very different partner from the ones you’ve had. How you love this, but how you just aren’t allowing yourself to fully have it. Just saying it out loud, and to him, will change something; it’s vulnerability in action. It also won’t feel like you’re carrying a burden or hiding anything, like you’re the “bad” partner who can’t receive love. You aren’t! For a Scorpio, vulnerability is a long and narrow road. But you’re definitely walking it. You sat down and typed this all out. I can’t tell you how charmed I was by your subject line in our inbox: “Lovely Libra man makes me want to vomit – Scorpio woman lol.”

Another thing I’ll say is this: You know how attentive Libras are. They’ll do anything to make someone feel comfortable, and for a space or situation to be aesthetically beautiful. They’re all about things being refined. However, don’t be afraid to show him your Scorpio messiness. Libras are actually very attracted to that, partly because they don’t allow themselves it. Your raw and conflicting emotions are part of that messiness. This is probably why he’s obsessed with you.

Still, don’t test him in that manipulative Scorpio way that I know you know—throwing obstacles for the sake of obstacles, because dealing with your actual love for him is terrifying. Put that wild energy somewhere else. And don’t be afraid to take some time away from your relationship too. Taos, New Mexico has such Scorpio energy. You need to go to a place like that by yourself and feel your own power.

Rooting for you, Alex

Novel Romance

Chloé coat; Valentino blouse.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Roberto Cavalli blouse; Jonathan Quearney waistcoat; Hermès skirt; Chanel bag; Calvin Klein Collection boots.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Emilio Pucci shirt with scarf and skirt; Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane belt; Chloé boots.

Alberta Ferretti vest; Chloé blouse. Ralph Lauren Collection vest; Eleanor Linden blouse; Valentino pants; Chanel belt.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Etro jumpsuit; Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane neck bow; Calvin Klein Collection boots. Michael Kors Collection jacket, skirt, and belt; Oscar de la Renta blouse.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Lanvin cape, dress, and belt. Lanvin dress and belt; Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane boots.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Louis Vuitton shirt.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Emilio Pucci cape. Bally coat; Chloé blouse; Marc Jacobs pants; Lanvin hats (one underneath); Pierre Cardin Couture shoes.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Escada blouse; model’s own earrings. Escada blouse; Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane neck bow.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Calvin Klein Collection jumpsuit and boots. Fendi coat; Alexander McQueen shirt; A.W.A.K.E. skirt; Calvin Klein Collection boots.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson

Valentino cape; Alexander McQueen shirt; Michela Carraro skirt; Calvin Klein Collection boots.

Hair by Odile Gilbert at Exposure NY; makeup by Karim Rahman at Calliste. Models: Lara Stone and Freja Beha Erichsen at IMG Models. Production by North six; Digital Technician: Shaina Fishman; Photography Assistants: Stefan Rappo, Thomas Lachambre, Hugo Mapelli; Fashion Assistants: Sue-Wen Quek, Margherita Tamraz, Allison Levy; Hair Assistant: Hugo Raiah; Makeup Assistant: Lea Signorino. Behind-the-Scene Video: Stephen Kidd.

Photographer: Peter Lindbergh Stylist: Sarah Richardson
1/12

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Scorpio in love with an Aries. Our relationship began as a wildly passionate love affair, and it has been dramatic the whole way. Since the start of the year, though, we’ve sort of entered a new phase. The magic is starting to dwindle, and I can tell that he’s feeling stuck. Sometimes I feel stuck, too. One of the ways we’re similar is our need for independence. And being in a relationship means losing some level of that independence. Especially when you live together. Since we’re both also really jealous (even if neither of us is willing to admit it), it all makes for a sort of lose-lose combination.

Can an Aries and Scorpio really make it together in the long run? Are neither of us cut out for monogamy, even if it’s what we both want? How do we keep the intensity and passion we both crave alive? How do I keep him as obsessed with me forever as I am with him?

Love, Anna

P.S. The sex has always been great though.

Dear Anna,

I love your question so much.

Aries-Scorpio. What can I say? I’m a big fan. As much as you’re obsessed with your Aries is as much as I’m obsessed with this combination. I love Scorpios—I think they are the most loyal and fun people on earth. I’m an Aries, and I have a sea of Scorpio best friends. My only real problem with Scorpios is that I will simply never get enough of them.

Your descriptions of your relationship ring completely true to both astrology and my own experiences. Aries-Scorpio will feel earth-shattering, otherworldly passion for each other (caused at least in part by having two signs with Mars planetary rulers meeting head on). But they’ll also suffer from having very similar intensities and drives. All of which means, unfortunately, that what attracts them also may drive them apart.

You’re noticing this, of course, with your partner—that you both feel a bit stuck and in need of your independence. You both have goals in life and mountains to climb (sometimes quite literally), and neither of you are people who want to compromise your soul’s mission for true love (despite believing that you do).

I don’t have to tell you this again, but you are both terrifying jealous people. The cheating scenarios you’ll imagine whenever your significant other goes out to get coffee will not be for the faint of heart. This is particularly because both of you are quite capable of being happy in non-monogamous relationships, but as a pair, your double jealousy would make it hard for either of you to deal with. The vibrations of your love make you need to be each other’s no. 1, which this will likely prevent a non-monogamous pairing of you two to really work. Save those days for a relationship with a Virgo, because you’re right to think that this Aries is not going to share you. You definitely won’t be ready to share him either anytime soon. Or ever.

W‘s Steamiest Photos of Madonna, the Beckhams, and More Unabashed PDA

“David and Victoria Beckham: American Idols,” photographed by Steven Klein, styled by Camilla Nickerson; W magazine August 2007.

Natalie Portman and Ruth Negga on the cover of W‘s February 2017 issue.

Photographs by Craig McDean. Styled by Edward Enninful. Hair by Orlando Pita for Orlando Pita Play; Makeup by Peter Philips for Dior; Manicures by Michelle Saunders for Essie at Forward Artists. Set design by Piers Hanmer.

Karen Elson photographed by Steven Meisel for W Magazine, November 2011.

Steven Meisel

“Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender: Smash of the Titans,” photographed by Mario Sorrenti, styled by Edward Enninful; W magazine June 2012.

Giselle Bundchen photographed by Juergen Teller and styled by Jane How for W Magazine, June 2005.

“Lara Stone: Love Machine,” photographed by Steven Klein, styled by Edward Enninful; W magazine March 2015.

“Madonna: Blame it on Rio,” photographed by Steven Klein, styled by Arianne Phillips; W magazine March 2009.

“Back in the Lime Light,” photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott, styled by Edward Enninful; W magazine August 2015.

“Michelle Williams & Ryan Gosling: Heart to Heart” photographed by Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin; W Magazine October 2010.

Kat Dennings and Jessica Chastain in “The Brave Ones,” photographed by Inez van Lamsweerde & Vinoodh Matadin, styled by Alex White; W magazine September 2010.

Inez van Lamsweerde & Vinoodh Matadin

Viggo Mortensen, photographed by Craig McDean; W Magazine February 2017.

CRAIG MCDEAN

Kate Moss photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for W Magazine, September 2008.

Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott

Joan Smalls in “Viva Cuba.” Photo by Alasdair McLellan, styled by Edward Enninful.

Photographer: Alasdair McLellan Stylist: Edward Enninful

Emma Heming and Bruce Willis in “Bruce & Emma,” photographed by Steven Klein, styled by Camilla Nickerson; W magazine July 2009.

Ginnifer Goodwin photographed by Steven Klein, styled by Camilla Nickerson; W magazine June 2009.

Taraji P. Henson photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott and styled by Edward Enninful for W Magazine, August 2015.

Daisy Lowe and Peaches Geldof in “Law & Order,” photographed by Steven Meisel, styled by Alex White; W magazine March 2009.

“Madonna: Blame it on Rio,” photographed by Steven Klein, styled by Arianne Phillips; W magazine March 2009.

Photograph by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott; styled by Alex White; W magazine March 2010.

Miley Cyrus photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott and styled by Edward Enninful for W Magazine, September 2015.

Lara Stone photographed by Steven Klein and styled by Camilla Nickerson for W Magazine, September 2009.

Joan Smalls photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott and styled by Edward Enninful for W Magazine, September 2015.

Karmen Pedaru photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for W Magazine, March 2012.

Photographed by Michael Thompson and styled by Karl Temper for W Magazine, February 2008.

1/24

It seems like a negative thing, and it can be in practice. But you really do have jealousy issues because you incite deep emotions in each other. In both Aries and Scorpio, deep emotions are tied to deep insecurities, which is where jealousy can rise greedily. As much as your jealousies are tied to how much you do love each other, they could be your undoing. For all that they get right, Aries-Scorpio sometimes have a problem communicating with each other. If you both continue to let jealousy rise up between you, you’ll both start to get angrier and angrier, and your communication will get even worse in the process. With two Mars-fueled signs, this isn’t a good thing. Your Aries will have more Aries tantrums and you will seethe in deep melancholy. So, if you do decide to stay together, I’d hit these issues of jealousy (and related feelings of being stuck) head on. It can be as simple as talking about it. Silence is toxic to your pairing.

All that’s to say, I really do feel that the longer Aries-Scorpio can stay together, the better chance they have of making it work for a lifetime. You said you felt the magic dwindling, but I’d chalk that up to long-term relationships in general. As an astrologer, I can’t imagine any situation where Aries-Scorpio isn’t going to light up an arena with their magical love, if they so choose. So, I say: Choose to continue! I have deep faith that you can work it out.

Aries love, Dorothea

Related: Ask the Astro Poets: Are My Dating Standards Unrealistic?