Orlando Bloom carrying his dog

We Need to Talk About Orlando Bloom's Dog

As his infamous nude paddleboarding incident made quite clear in 2016, Orlando Bloom prefers to go through life unencumbered. And, as his Instagram has repeatedly made just as clear, he also prefers to go through life in the company of his beloved dog Mighty. Alas, those two lifestyle goals are somewhat at odds, which hasn't always led to the best outcome for the pup, who once again fell victim to Bloom's minimalist approach to life when the 42-year-old actor brought him along to lunch in Los Angeles on Tuesday, which he traveled to via motorcycle.

Unfortunately, Bloom did not have a sidecar, or even a dog carrier, on hand. What he did have, though, was a drawstring bag. Thanks to the paparazzi, you can see exactly how badly that went for poor Mighty. One snapshot of the dog's head, disembodied above what looks to be a rather insecurely fastened bag, is particularly haunting.

Could Bloom, soon-to-be husband of Katy Perry, really be capable of such negligence? After all, it appears that the incident was not isolated, but instead apparently a very long, very uncomfortable afternoon for the pup. As the Daily Mail took care to note, "Although Mighty was not visible in the bag while Orlando was driving his bike, it appears possible that is how he transported his pet to the eatery."

And indeed it does! Let's take a closer look, shall we? Here is Bloom on the afternoon in question, around the same time that he was seen toting around Mighty's disembodied head.

Orlando Bloom wearing a lumpy drawstring bag, apparently containing his dog Mighty, while on his motorcycle in Los Angeles in March 2019.

Bauer-Griffin/Getty Images

A closer look:

Orlando Bloom's lumpy drawstring bag, apparently containing his dog Mighty, seen in Los Angeles in March 2019.

Getty Images

Hmm. His bag does look suspiciously lumpy, though that could be a trick of the light. Here's an alternative view, courtesy of the paps on the scene:

Orlando Bloom wearing a lumpy drawstring bag, apparently containing his dog Mighty, while on his motorcycle in Los Angeles in March 2019.

Bauer-Griffin/Getty Images

Hang on, is that... a face?!

Orlando Bloom's lumpy drawstring bag, apparently containing his dog Mighty, seen in Los Angeles in March 2019.

Getty Images

We sure hope for Mighty's sake that it's not. Unfortunately, though, the (it must be said, circumstantial) evidence only gets more damning from there, starting with the Mail's otherwise entirely unremarkable video of Bloom taking off on his bike. About a minute in, Bloom's bag appears to twitch, and even he can't help but notice it: Even though he's in the process of zooming away, Bloom can still be seen looking back over his shoulder.

Has Bloom simply been putting off getting a dog carrier? Does he even see the need for one? Maybe not, since he's not shy about his drawstring method, which he proudly showed off on Instagram in November 2017.

Oddly enough, though, Bloom did at one point own a (slightly) more humane dog carrier. Has he simply misplaced it since he used it as recently as last May?

There's no question that Bloom loves Mighty; just one scroll through his Instagram proves as much. Bloom frequently shares loving photos of his dog with his 2.4 million followers, plus occasional photos of other dogs. (He once summed up his feelings about the animal as thus: "#i’venevernotloveddogs.") And, in general, it seems like Mighty has quite the nice life: He's appeared on the cover of GQ and is wont to hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio, Cara Delevingne, and his adopted identical twin sister, Katy Perry's dog Nugget.

But love, as we all know, can cloud your judgment. Why else would he (or Perry, for that matter) think that Mighty would want to wear a denim jacket or a mock coconut bra?

The silver lining is that once Bloom and Perry are married, and officially make Nugget and Mighty family, at least the latter won't have to suffer alone.

Related: Orlando Bloom on Naked Paddleboarding: "I Had a Moment of Feeling Free"