ADVICE

Ask the Astro Poets: What Do I Do If I’m in Love With My Best Friend?

Twitter’s favorite astrologers share their advice.


Photographer: Alasdair McLellan Stylist: Jane How

Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a gay male Cancer in love with my best friend, a straight male Gemini. Our birthdays are actually really close, so we’re both cusping, but he’s definitely more of a Gemini and I’m more of a Cancer. I’m super emotional and he’s more aloof, but fun. I’m pretty sure he knows I’m in love with him but we don’t talk about it. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know what to do. We’ve been friends for over five years and become so close, sometimes it even feels like we’re dating because we spend so much time together. Obviously, we haven’t had sex. And I feel like I’m just torturing myself the longer it goes. What should I do?

A Confused Cancer

Dear Confused Cancer,

I don’t want to admit that your story hit really close to home, but it did. This has happened to me, too, though not with a Gemini. And it’s happened to many gay guys, and probably a lot of Cancers, who become overly invested in their friends as it is. I think that over-investment is a good thing, ultimately, but not when there is unrequited desire. The fact that you’ve been able to stay friends with this Gemini for five years while wanting to fuck his brains out is incredible. You deserve an award for that alone. But you have to quit torturing yourself.

Cancers are already so good at self-torture. You process everything emotively, down to what the guy at the coffee shop said to you when handing you your coffee. You move through the world willing to do a lot of emotional labor and thinking that you need to. Here’s the thing. Are you capable of handling it all? Yes. Does that mean you should? No. That’s what’s happening here. I’m sure you could go another five years not having sex with him, or maybe forever, and withstand whatever happens to you when you see him dating other people, people you can never be (unless he magically becomes gay, which I would recommend, it’s terrific). But at what cost? Aren’t you essentially stunting your own interiority and emotional life? Shouldn’t someone meet you where you are and give you back everything you’re willing to give them? Sex is important. It’s an intimacy you shouldn’t have to give up with someone you’re in love with.

It’s Gemini Season for Angelina Jolie, the Olsen Twins, and (Yes) Kanye West

Naomi Campbell, born May 22nd, photographed by Steven Klein for W Magazine.

Steven Klein

Natalie Portman, born June 9th, photographed by Steven Klein for W Magazine.

Steven Klein

Carey Mulligan, born May 28th, photographed by Alasdair McLellan for W Magazine.

Alasdair McLellan

Helena Bonham Carter, born May 26th, photographed by Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin for W Magazine.

Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin

Angelina Jolie, born June 4th, photographed by Steven Klein for W Magazine.

Steven Klein

Kanye West, born June 8th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine.

Mario Sorrenti

Nicole Kidman, born June 20th, photographed by Tim Walker for W Magazine.

Tim Walker

Mary-Kate Olsen, born June 13th, photographed by David Sims for W Magazine.

David Sims

Adriana Lima, born June 12th, photographed by Charlotte Wales for W Magazine.

Charlotte Wales

Annette Bening, born May 29th, photographed by Craig McDean for W Magazine.

Craig McDean

Octavia Spencer, born May 25th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W magazine.

Mario Sorrenti

Julianna Margulies, born June 8th, photographed by Nathanial Goldberg for W Magazine.

Nathanial Goldberg

Kate Upton, born June 10th, photographed by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for W Magazine.

Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott

Chris Evans, born June 13th, photographed by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine.

Mario Sorrenti

Kat Dennings, born June 13th, photographed by Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin for W Magazine.

Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin
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The question becomes: Do you tell him? I think he already knows. He’s a Gemini. They’re super intuitive, but that doesn’t always come across because they can act so flippant and performatively confused. Geminis know exactly what they’re doing and what’s happening. They’re less chaotic than everyone thinks. Telling him is risky because, what do you do after? Stay friends with him? Stop being friends with him? There’s a lot of drama that can ensue.

I think you should take a break from him for a little while. Maybe don’t even say that to him, but just get a little “busy” for a few weeks and use those weeks as time to think about what you really want. I’m a fire sign. I’ve been in this situation and taken it to the max—which means actually trying to have a relationship with a straight guy. It doesn’t work. And here’s the thing: You deserve so much more. Why date a straight guy when you can date a gay guy? Honestly!

Sending a powerful Sagittarius arrow of love your way, Alex

Celebrity Couples Before They Were Couples, From Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin to J.Lo and A-Rod

Yes, even before they were engaged, Hailey Baldwin and Justin Bieber have had remarkably similar hair. The pair has, after all, as they’ve repeatedly stated, been longtime friends, as evidenced here in this photo of them with Hailey’s dad, Stephen Baldwin, on the red carpet of the Times Square premiere of Bieber’s 3D film Never Say Never in 2011.

New York Daily News Archive/Getty Images

Before showcasing their love for each other via many tattoos and Pete-emblazoned sweatshirts, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, who of course are now engaged, first met when Grande appeared at Davidson’s workplace, Saturday Night Live, and made a joke about them smoking crack.

Courtesy of NBC/Getty Images

At the time of this meeting Lopez was with Marc Anthony, but it’s only fitting given that more than a decade later, J.Lo would move on from her then-husband to the much more fittingly named A-Rod, both seen here at a Yankees game in 2005. Their relationship started off with a bang late last year, when they had to evacuate the restaurant during their first date.

Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

Before Instagram, their family’s platform of choice, was even invented, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen met when it came time for Legend to film the music video for his 2006 song “Stereo,” which starred a nearly naked (and at times animated) Teigen.

Courtesy of Vevo

Feast your eyes upon Kim Kardashian with bangs—as well as her sister Kourtney and, of course, Kanye West, at a get-together all the way back in 2008. The pair looks a world away from the Kimye they are today—and even the Kimye they were when they first began, seeing as early on, Kanye transformed Kim’s grin into tears by throwing away 250 pairs of her bangs-era shoes.

Michael Bezjian/Getty Images

Back in 1991, there was no Victoria Beckham. Instead, there was a Victoria Adams, aka Posh Spice, who hung out with David Beckham and Elton John on red carpets, before marrying the soccer star later that decade, in 1999.

Dave Benett/Getty Images

Long before they married in 2015, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were red carpet pals and costars on That ’70s Show, beginning when Kutcher was 20 and Kunis was just 14.

Ron Galella/Getty Images

Pete and Ariana’s union is a bit less surprising when you consider that back in 2002, the power couple-to-be Jay-Z and Beyoncé Knowles also stood side by side on SNL‘s stage. (Technically, they began dating a bit earlier, when Beyoncé was 19, but they had a phone-only relationship for the first year and a half.)

NBC/Getty Images

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are perhaps one of the only couples who can say their relationship began backstage at the VH1 Awards, which is exactly where they first met in 2004. Making it official, though, took a bit of waiting: They didn’t marry until 2010, after the California Supreme Court ruled that the ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional (and after de Rossi had split up with the director Francesca Gregorini, whom she’d been dating when she and DeGeneres first met.)

Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images

The Olsen twins may be the first to catch your eye, but this photo primarily documents the early, 2005-era spark between Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem, who’d go on to marry in 2010.

J. Vespa

In 2007, Salma Hayek announced that she was both pregnant and engaged to the French billionaire and Kering CEO François-Henri Pinault. They wed on Valentine’s Day in 2009—and again that April, this time in Venice—and Hayek hasn’t stopped making Fashion Week front row appearances since.

Bertrand Rindoff Petroff/Getty Images

Ryan Reynolds was still married to Scarlett Johansson when he and his Green Lantern costar Blake Lively appeared at Comic-Con in 2010. Two years later, a then-divorced Reynolds in turn made things official with Lively, who, in addition to giving birth to two children, has made a point to troll him ever since.

Kevin Winter

Back when she was still making a name for herself as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in 1997, Sarah Michelle Gellar starred in first-ever major movie: I Know What You Did Last Summer—and just so happened to meet Freddie Prinze Jr., her then-costar who, in 2002, would go on to become her husband.

Mirek Towski/Getty Images

Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, one of this year’s most surprising couples, came to be after they met at the 2017 Met Gala, which saw Ralph Lauren, whose designs they each wore, pair them up. Fast forward to just over a year later, and suddenly they’ve become attached at the hip. They’ve wasted no time with their relationship, which they struck up less than two months ago; both Jonas and Chopra has already met the other’s family.

Mike Coppola/Getty Images
1/14

Dear Astro Poets,

I am a Pisces sun/Scorpio moon/Leo rising. Recently, I’ve been dating again after a long hiatus. I met a Capricorn who I’m super swoony over. Here’s the thing: They got out of a big relationship a few months ago and have made it clear that they’re not ready for anything serious at the moment. I am not super good at deeply casual things and I don’t like rushing into formally committed/serious relationships, but I do want a certain level of emotional intimacy. The situation is starting to stress me out as they definitely have some boundaries that I am not into. They only have time to hang out with me once every two weeks. I’m always the one to suggest we hang out and they don’t seem to be into sleepovers.

I know my desire for intimacy can be a bit intense, and I’m willing to compromise on it to an extent, but this amount of distance honestly feels unmanageable for me. Will bringing this up with them freak them out and make them run away? Should I just stick it out and hope they come around by themselves to the level of intimacy that I want? Or are we just super incompatible and I should give up?

A Weepy Pisces

Dear Sweet Fish,

Thank you for your question! It’s a somewhat complicated one, which makes sense for the complexities of your two signs; however, it’s always a beautiful thing to see Earth and Water vibe on each other, and I’m happy that you’re having some good experiences together (albeit with some frustrations and struggles, too).

All this to say, don’t give up! Pisces-Capricorn is an excellent match, and your Scorpio moon makes you both all the more compatible. With your almost pure water in play, you’re able to empathize more fully with your Capricorn’s contradicting need for emotional intimacy and absolute freedom simultaneously (and always on their terms). You’re also able to fill in the spaces where their emotional needs are the greatest. Being a Pisces, you have this gift with anyone you date or are friends with. But with what I know of your chart, you will instinctively understand a Capricorn’s personality better than almost anyone.

Celebrity Capricorns: See Photographs of Sienna Miller, Bradley Cooper, Kate Moss and Other Stars With the Same Astrological Sign

Photo of Sienna Miller by Tim Walker for W Magazine.

Tim Walker

Photo of Mary J. Blige by Inez Van Lamsweerde Inez and Vinoodh Matadin for W Magazine.

VAN LAMSWEERDE INEZ & MATADIN VINOODH

Photo of Kit Harington by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine.

MARIO SORRENTI

Photo of Kate Moss by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for W Magazine.

Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott

Photo of Bradley Cooper by Tim Walker for W Magazine.

WALKER TIM

Photo of Ellen DeGeneres by Michael Thompson for W Magazine, March 2007.

Photo of Jared Leto by Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin for W Magazine.

VAN LAMSWEERDE INEZ & MATADIN VINOODH

Photo of Diane von Fürstenberg by Patrick Demarchelier for W Magazine.

Patrick Demarchelier

Photo of Cynthia Erivo by The Eastern Conference for W Magazine, September 2018.

American actor, Denzel Washington, born December 28th. Photo of Denzel Washington by Dan Winters for W Magazine.

Winters Dan

Photo of Diane Keaton courtesy of Getty Images.

GETTY IMAGES US INC

Photo of Harmony Korine by Andreas Laszlo Konrath for W Magazine.

ANDREAS LASZLO KONRATH

Photo of Jim Carrey by Caitlin Cronenberg for W Magazine, September 2017.

Photo of January Jones by Craig McDean for W Magazine.

Craig McDean

Photo of Eddie Redmayne by Peter Lindbergh for W Magazine.

Peter Lindbergh

Photo of Ralph Fiennes by Ari Marcopoulos for W Magazine.

Ari Marcopoulos

Photo of David Bowie by Mick Rock.

Rock Mick

Photo of J.K. Simmons by Tim Walker for W Magazine.

WALKER TIM
1/18

Still, it’s good that you are thinking of your own needs; I have many Pisces friends who are so selfless in their relationships that they often forget what they want to get out of them. My advice is to definitely talk to your Capricorn about how you’re feeling. There is nothing a Capricorn loves more than having an emotional conversation, especially if it’s about how much you’re into them and want them around more. They thrive on constant attention. They’ll likely be willing to talk to you for hours about your desire for them, hashing out all the possible permutations across several dimensions. There may be tears and there may be laughter, and I think you will have some sort of resolution. And you definitely won’t scare them away. You can never scare a Capricorn away from anything.

However, no matter what happens within the conversation and how good it might feel to have this open dialogue, just remember that your Capricorn will ultimately do what they want, when they want it. They are not shy. And they’re definitely not shy about doing whatever the hell they please whenever the hell they please (emphasis on hell intended). If you can handle a person who is the boss of just about everything, then I say keep going and see this amazing match through. To me, a Capricorn’s incessant need for dramatic power struggles sounds kind of fun right about now.

Good luck with your sexy goat!

Love, Dorothea

Related: Ask the Astro Poets: Is My Crush Trying to Ghost Me?