Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W's resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Cancer who can’t stop thinking about my exes—even in my current relationship. I’m dating a Leo and it’s going great, but I’m always in a state of “what if?” when I remember my old flames, an Aries and a Scorpio. Are Cancers ever able to get over anyone or anything? Please help!
A Nostalgic Cancer
Dear Nostalgic Cancer,
Your question comes right at the beginning of Cancer season, a time that’s usually more reflective for Cancers as is. Birthdays are often bittersweet for your people because it’s like being dipped in the sea of time—you feel and remember everything, sometimes all at once. First, I should say that all of the signs you list as having dated or are dating are very hot matches for a Cancer. No wonder you can’t forget them. Maybe you should all just get together and have a… never mind, I’ll just answer your question!
Cancers are ruled by the moon, which is constantly shifting in how it reveals itself to us. It’s moody, elusive, and entirely singular. This makes Cancers quite mercurial. You’re prone to wild mood swings and longings for the past, even if that past isn’t necessarily happy or how you imagined things. You find comfort in the intimacy that was forged there. Even if it wasn't ideal, Cancers have a hard time getting over any intimacy they’ve had with someone. The crab’s impulse to protect, nurture, and create comes from the past's residues, which of course does not make for an easy life. Emotionally, it’s daunting. It’s also daunting for your partners, who have to learn how to navigate your complicated relationship with past and present dramas.
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I truly believe that this struggle is real for you. My two longest relationships were with Cancers, born on July 7th and July 4th. To this day, after many months, both will text me out of the blue, and by the fourth or fifth text it feels like we’re dating again. (Not that we are, but the aura behind a Cancer text is usually deeply emotive.) They can’t just ask me to get a drink or invite me to an event—they have to feel out what I’m thinking and feeling about them through a series of passive questions. What I’m telling you is: Don’t do that. It doesn’t work. At least not with a fire sign. I’m a Sagittarius, and one of your exes is an Aries, and I can tell you that it will just drive a fire sign crazy. Just text us when you want to get a divorce. We really don’t have time to write Remembrance of Things Past (Proust, obviously a Cancer) over text.
As for your other ex, the Scorpio, are you kidding? Unless you absolutely want to be in bed with them after the first drink, don’t text them. That’s a whole other kind of storm. Scorpios are just as nostalgic and sensitive as Cancers, but much more manipulative. You’ll both end up trying to use each other, and the Scorpio will likely peace out unharmed. I say stay with your Leo. Just make sure you tell them their hair looks great. (In addition to charming them in the kitchen, which is every Cancer’s domain.)
Your Cancer-loving Sagittarius,
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Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Pisces and can feel myself falling in love with an Aquarius. But I don’t know how to let my guard down and actually get to know them because I instinctively keep things extremely light and funny and don’t express my feelings well. My intuition is strongly telling me this could be a wonderful thing, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin it before it starts. What do I do to take this thing to the next level?
A Pisces Feeling Feelings
Dear Pisces Feeling Feelings,
I'm a hopeless romantic, so I got excited to answer your question as soon as I saw it. I've known quite a few long-term and successful Pisces-Aquarius relationships, and I think it can work. It's an interesting love connection because you’re not a classic match. You’re water and air—two elements that don't naturally go together. You tend to be more on the emotional side, whereas your Aquarius can be more cerebral about their feelings, and always mediate them with a bit of reason. You’re also both not leaders, although each of you (especially Pisces) can sometimes pretend to be, making it hard for anyone to take the lead at the beginning stages of a relationship. This is why—sorry to say—if you do want this, you might have to be the one to make a move.
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Photographed by Juergen Teller
Photograph by Juergen Teller for W Magazine, February 2014.
Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin
Something that you both share is intensity. Some people describe Aquarians as aloof, but I think that they simply don’t know Aquarians well. When Aquarians like someone or something, they are extremely obsessive, passionate, and possessive. They're fixed signs, so once they've made a commitment, they don’t stray too far from it. As you've probably figured out by now, you're pretty intense yourself. You thrive on a lot of attention from your partner, and if an Aquarian is into you, they're well equipped to give you everything you've dreamed of.
You’re also next to each other on the zodiac’s karmic wheel, meaning that you've learned a lesson in your past life that your Aquarius needs to learn in this life. This attracts you to them and they to you, as they'll want a source of solace. Karmic connections also produce a high level of sexual energy, so when you do get together physically, it'll be wild and likely just as great as you imagined it to be.
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Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin
All of this is to say that you should tell your Aquarius how you feel. They won’t be scandalized by someone expressing themselves honestly—they're an air sign. I hope they'll confess their feelings too, but if they don’t in that moment, don’t give up hope—they'll do so eventually. Last thing: in the midst of all this, don’t feel any pressure to refrain from being light and funny, except when necessary. "Funny" is every Aquarian’s middle name. Not taking anything too seriously? They like things that way.
Sending you love luck from here,
Dorothea, an Aries
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